For Sale: Slightly Used F-35, Needs New Ejection Seat

Greetings Me Droogs N Droogettes!
Sorry for missing Sunday’s poast, but after the Red Headed Nuclear-Powered Firestorm, both Wifey n me were wiped the hell out. The very fact I was able to get up and be even operational is credited to running first thing this AM to the Gas n’Go for Monster Ultras… yeah two of them caffeinated hand grenades. Haven’t been able to get back to the Dollar Tree to pick up some RipIts… -yet-.

The Memes have been brutal AF about the Marines ‘losing’ an F-35 just North of Charleston:

Seems Sunday afternoon, the pilot had -something- go wrong badly enough that he had to punch out. Seems before he did so, he turned on the autopilot. Link HERE


So now, I guess the name of the plane must have been “Waldo” as in everyone is asking: “Where’s Waldo!?!” The DotMil put out a tweet or so asking for the public’s help in locating the plane, ‘cos apparently they don’t know where it is!

As the Critical Drinker would say:

Let me get this straight…
An 80 million dollar aircraft
Known as the “Flying Turducken” or “The Turd”
80 fucking million dollars, and they don’t even have the fucking thing LoJacked!?!
My car is fucking LoJacked FFS.

Again, there’s that whole “competency” thingy again we keep going on about. Getting to the point of “What’s not to believe?” The DotGov, as well as the DotMil it seems could fuck up organizing an Orgy in a Bangkok Whorehouse with a Suitcase full of $100s… Only thing we can do at this point is Laugh.

Somehow, I suspect ‘Muh Diversity’ played a role in this cockup. Any bets?

Tell you what, this’s gonna play pure hell on the sales figures, as the Belgians, the Finns, the Norwegians, from what I understand they ALL signed up to ‘donate’ their old F-16s and then buy the newest, bestest greatest all-around fighter aircraft evvar built! It does Mach 2, can shoot itself down, and slices, dices and can make julienne fries! It’s stealth capability is so fucking good, our own guys can’t find it!!!

Sorry… that’s a -lot- of sarcasm in one statement Aye?

It’s like God has looked down on us, and is just like -waiting- to find the “New Noah” and hit the ‘smite’ button for this weak-sauce country… can’t say I’d blame him at this point.

So More Later
Big Country

34 thoughts on “For Sale: Slightly Used F-35, Needs New Ejection Seat”

  1. The problem was bad enough that the pilot felt the need to eject, BUT engaged the autopilot before doing so,,,,
    SO, there was no reason to eject if the thing continued in level flight,,,, Am I wrong here or am I missing something
    I’m going with “I’m missing something” or more likely, ‘there’s a lot of shit not being said,,,,’ But like everything else coming out of DotMil/Gov/DoJ,,, ‘there is no math to add here, just trust us,,,’.
    10: 1, this thing is on its way to China as we speak so the Chinks can make replicas for themselves. AND totally backdoor the ECM modules that you know that thing is loaded with.

    1. Hahahaha….
      The Yew Sssssss Miltary!
      Commanded by freaks, fags and gender pretenders.
      Bet they wouldnt loose the butt plug…..hahaha.

      1. But if they did, they could activate the Strategic Gerbil Reserve.

        Anyone running a pool on (err) pilot demographics?

    2. That flying (intermittently) dungheap is already salted with Chinese lowjack chips. Why would they want to steal one when they can buy combat proven cutting edge aeroplanes from Russia?

    3. I wondered about that too, but remembered that some of the new jets have problems with the oxygen generator system-like, not producing any. Punch out to activate pony bottle.

  2. Just posted this comment over at Irish’s place:
    Let’s try this for SWAG (Simple Wild Ass Guess) – some nasty state player hacks the electronics in real time (helloo Chinese balloons and satellites), pilot sees fatal failure and bails. Nefarious player remote flies the craft to a smooth landing at one of those secret bases (called PLA China Overseas Farms) somewhere out there, crew of all those fine young military age gotaways that have arrived from China over the past 2 years dismantles the thing with plasma and mechanical cutters then puts it into a lovely batch 40′ COSCO container scheduled on return “empty” to China. Well coordinated, well hidden, well greased. Gosh, got to get cracking on that novel, it won’t write itself, eh?

      1. Only if you expect them to tell the truth about anything.

        Might still be in a COSCO box heading home.

        That “Autopilot” thing bothers me. WHY?

    1. Just gessin- I figure the overpriced pos went to Cuba. We should be crank in out f5s. Jillions of them.

    2. Daaaayuuuum Son! That right there… this ^^^
      OUTSTANDING idea! And yep… that damned near writes itself…

    3. Ai-ya! Arways with the anti-Sinotism conspilacy theolies! And Fol No Leason At Arr*! Just you wait untir the Anti-Defamation Reague gets done with you!

      * does a Chinese pirate say “All, me healties. It’s a pilate’s rife fol me!” Enquiring minds want to know.

  3. From the local news story: “The pilot was transported to a local medical center and is stable, according to Joint Base Charleston on Sunday after they safely ejected themself from the aircraft. ”

    Either the reporter doesn’t know what pronouns to use to describe the pilot, or the pilot’s pronouns are “they/them”.

  4. “It’s like God has looked down on us, and is just like -waiting- to find the “New Noah” and hit the ‘smite’ button for this weak-sauce country… can’t say I’d blame him at this point.”

    If it doesn’t happen soon, God owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology.


    I can’t believe so many people here are such cynics as to believe the Chinese would be able to steal the secrets of our top of the line fighter, which is the key to our nation’s def…

    Oops, never mind.

  5. Per ABC; Earlier Monday, the Marine Corps acting commandant, Eric Smith, issued a two-day stand-down focused on safety and procedures to take place at some point this week for all aviation units both inside and outside of the United States, a spokesman told ABC News.
    While Smith said he has full confidence in the aviation units, he said he felt this was the “right and prudent” thing to do given both this incident and another recent incident in Australia.”

    First thing, in addition to the Pride Flag, BS, etc………what is wrong with our military is no one has good names anymore. Eric Smith? Really?? What happened to the Glory Days of “Ol’ Blood and Guts”, “Acey”,”Chesty”,”The Fighting Quaker”, or “Spuds”?? I’m just a civilian, but Good God, this guy sounds like a CEO of REI. I sure don’t see a hardcore Marine. Why did the pilot hit the auto button? Maybe he should be restricted to flying over the desert. I do understand the need for the wealthy Chinese to aquire all that farmland. No doubt, Diversity is our Greatest Strength in so many ways.

    1. If that were true they’d be all over it like stink on shit as an excuse for more evil totalitarian shit, unless maybe it were muslims in which case they may be more incline to hide the problems they imported.

    2. Don’t know the area ,so don’t know terrain but, if that thread now gone has any validity about ground fire, it just could be from hovering too close to a still sight, pot plants in a corn field or some tweekers cook site. as none of those folks like any kind of .Gov ac hovering overhead. Hell, we had an area marked out on the flight maps for our test flights over South New Jersey circled along with the notation ” Farmer with gun” next to it on the briefing board a section of one of our helos that had been replaced with the hole in it. Something about low level flight messing up the cows milk output. Miltia could just be a convenient excuse to crack down again even if not true.

  6. CW Lemoine “Mover” on YouTube calls the F 35 “fat Amy” as that is what military pilots are purported to call it. I now religiously refer to it as fat Amy!

  7. In 1970 a pilot punched out of an F-106 after he got it into a flat spin, and it recovered after the ejection. It flew on for a bit, and bellied in almost totally intact in a snow covered corn field, with the engine still running.,pilot%20had%20punched%20out%20during%20a%20flat%20spin.

    So, if the F-35 flew on for a bit, and later went bloey, this would not be the first time this sort of thing has happened.

  8. Russians… Communists? Maybe. But the illusion of the “New Soviet Man” is gone and Communism is fading in their present existence. That New Soviet Man were those with no neck who walked in and took over all the State run enterprises for themselves. I believe the Russians are now more concerned with keeping the creeping crud out of Russia that is destroying America and Europe.

    I fought Communists in Rhodesia. Went toe to toe with them in country and on camp raids in surrounding countries. We won ALL the battles, even according to their commanding terrorist general. He admitted this after they took over the country… “that they were done… but saved by the Brits and the Carter Administration.” So the Rhodies lost the war.

    We defeated them… but they just moved to Washington D.C. …I know, I have three in my family. Doctorates in “education,” but can’t tie their shoes. Mental logic circuits corrupted.

    How ironic it is, that even though the Cold War and fighting Communists, I find the Russians no longer the enemy. Russia is not the old Soviet Union. I don’t blindly believe in Putin and the Russians, I am a realist. But I am totally against all these woke Globalists and Lefties who support the “Krains” to the last Ukrainian, as you call them Big Country. It is horrible that all these Ukrainians and Russians have been killed and maimed in a conflict that I believe the Globalists and my country engineered.

    My black combat partner Frank was petrified the Communists would take over Rhodesia, as were most of the blacks… who comprised 80 percent of the army and police. “Truth and Reconciliation!” What a deceitful farce! Just a means to get everyone from the losing side to come forward so they know who you are and where you live… to kill you later in the “Justice Killings” as the Communists called them. That’s what will happen here, if we lose the country to them. Zimbabwe, err… Rhodesia is just a “shyttehole” now. Totally destroyed by Communists who drive gold plated Bentleys and Rolls Royces while the people starve and…

    Hold on!!! The pilot just broke in by radio and is talking to me. “What!? You’re frightened!?” Folks, she’s telling me that this is not what she was told flying an F-35 Marine Corps fighter would be like. She believes this plane she’s flying is causing massive Climate Change and further, she says… most of it is made of materials that are not recyclable.

    She says she’s scared! I told her to calm down and put it on auto pilot until I could get an experienced F-35 pilot to talk to her. She’s freaking out on me… says she wants to talk with her husband. She’s always been reassuring to her during stressful times. I told her we’d see if we could locate her.

    She murmuring something over and over again. Hold on… I can barely make it out but it sounds musically like what Dorothy said in the Wizard of Oz. “I wish I were back at LBGXYZ group… I wish I were back at LBGXYZ group!” I ask her to clarify what she’s saying but all I hear is the clicking of boot heels and “I wish I were back at LBGXYZ group.”

    She tells me she can’t take it any longer… she’s ejecting! I tell her wait… but “Thump” is all I hear… and the radio goes dead.

    Jack Lawson
    Member, Sully H. deFontaine Special Forces Association Chapter 51, Las Vegas, Nevada
    Author of the “Civil Defense Manual,” “The Slaver’s Wheel,” “A Failure of Civility,” “And We Hide From The Devil” and “In Defense.”

    “When an animal calls out a warning of danger unseen to other animals, the others don’t question the motive as their instincts are still intact. When a human tries to warn his kind, they laugh and call him a conspiracy theorist, because their instincts have been rendered useless through propaganda.”

    “Any species that does not have the instinct of survival, that cannot or will not defend themselves, is doomed to extinction… as time has shown.” Author Jack Lawson

    From Jack Lawson… an American in 1RLI Support Commando and attached to Rhodesian “C Squadron” SAS Africa 1976-79

  9. Everything in the Turducken is “Software Driven” Electrical Devices. I think the most likely thing to have happened is a Software “Loop” happening that caused the Flight Controls to Lock Up- the Stick running the Video Game Controller went ‘Dead’ and the Plane wouldn’t respond to Control Inputs. A few minutes of that, and Any Pilot would be looking to Bail… As for “Turning on the Autopilot before Departure” that’s Bullshit, because in ANY ‘Fly-by-Wire’ Airplane, it is the ‘autopilot’ taking suggestion from the Pilot as to what to do.

    Numerous Crashes of Commercial Aircraft have been attributed to the Pilot and ‘autopilot’ having Contradictory Ideas of how to Fly the Plane. This is usually because of ‘Improper Mode Selection’, where the Flight Controls are selected to React for, say Cruising, while trying to Land. I’ll bet that not only does the Turducken have as many ‘Mode Settings’ as there are Genders in the Army, and the Plane gets to decide which one Applies.

    It wouldn’t surprise me at all if we see a Chinamart J-20 or Russkie Su-57 go up against a Turducken, and all that Pilot has to do is select “F-35” on his ECM Panel, and switch Mode to “Off”.

  10. Whew, it’s a good thing external enemies can’t see all the weakness and disunity that JFK warned about, oh wait.
    These things happen when Long March fellow travelers take over a formerly great society and turn it into an egalitarian turd.
    Commode Karl the 19th century German bum was out to burn down the world by any means necessary and he counted on useless idiot dupes to carry the ball all the way to the gates of hell goal line.
    And he we are.

  11. You also have to consider the possibility that this is another diversity hire incident, like the lady pilot who tried to turn an F-35 into a submarine a while back.

  12. I have heard that the ‘fly-by-wire’ system used by the F35 is the same as that used by the Airbus380 and that hacking it is simplicity itself. Apparently, there’s a lot of scurrying about by many engineers trying to figure out if the F35 was just hacked and the pilot no longer had any input.

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