Prolonged Absence

Greetings Me Droogs N Droogettes!
OK… JUST woke up. Got a call on Sunday Morning, 0830. Dad had fallen again.

This time he was transported to the ER.
Head injuries and multiple contusions.
How in the Hell he got that banged up falling in that teeny bathroom beats the shit out of me… So, instead of a nice lounging day, Up and fly to the Villages (no escort this time).

Find out that the time before that he fell and that we we not notified b/c friggin’ Mom managed to bamboozle the LifeFon Folks into NOT calling he broke a rib and snapped his femur implant from when he got in that car wreck a few years ago.

Four times now in the past month that we know of.

Two of them in the past 48 hours
Plus, this time, he’s got bedsores on his ass that we weren’t notified about, pneumonia, and liquids in his chest cavity (over a liter and a half drained!) from the broken rib. Plus a concussion, and ripped skin on the elbow and knees. Lost of blood, but not really that bad… like I said, he’s got a fuckton of other things we had no idea about.

The Neurologist has been brought in ‘cos they now think his balance is perma-shot thru
Uh yeah… ya fucking think?
So I’m out of pocket for now. We were dealing with Mom (who’s oars ain’t fully in the water if you dig me) and Dad, who I’m –hoping– pulls through. I’ll get back on the Sub and things as we go.
Told Dad he’d better get better so’s I can fucking kill him next time around.
At least Glorious Tractor Factory is covering me (without pay amiright?)
More Later, Appreciate all the support

13 thoughts on “Prolonged Absence”

  1. Dayam! Put the hand grabs and rails in that mofo and don’t leave unattended.
    Like the Rooster in the Alice In Chains song, keep on rolling all Pappies.
    Is he not-a-vaxx participant?
    That shit is chock full of brain fry.

  2. Brother, understood.

    Parents. Gotta luv ’em.

    Go and do as needed.
    You got my e-mail, if you come up with a need.

    We’ll keep the lights on for ya.

    Night Driver

  3. FFUUUUUUUUUKK! M.I.L. living with us, pulled a dumb ass 1 year ago and down she went. Amberlamps, hospital, broken hip, she’s 87, here we are.
    Got a clue what yer going through. More prayers, of course.

  4. Take care of family, they come first. We’re just here to cheer ‘ya on and provide (a)moral support when/where we can. 😉

    Having a bit of similar issues w/my Dad (several falls – breaking himself in several places, and ‘mini-strokes’ aka TIA’s). At least he and Mom are living in a retirement community that’s literally 5 minutes away from a decent new hospital – and that’s even with the traffic signals between it and them. Downside is that they’re an hour away from me – but it’s definitely better than the other way around! The big issue appears to be getting him in to see specialists: wait time (or backlog?) for appointments is often WEEKS, or MORE. Tough when you’re trying to figure out what the heck’s going on – and get him treated properly so he can heal before he falls again, or before he just gives up. :-/

    Keeping y’all in my prayers.

    Signing off from *WAY* too close to Mordor On The Potomac.

  5. Keep an eye on who’s enjoying this drama and any attention, no matter how negative.

    Seen a lot of this over the years: false DV reports, not getting health conditions fixed so that they’d get worse in order for there to be more family attention, selectively not telling people about said health conditions so they’d blow up with little warning, weaponised use of psychologists, playing games with prescribed treatments for extra special attention time at a hospital, and so on.

    It’s all fun and games until The State gets involved and puts one of your family on administrative or domiciliary care.

    That’s where you and all of the rest of the family get zero say-so over how that family member’s going to be cared for, and that’s because The State has determined that somewhere this got fucked up and you (among several other family members usually) can’t be trusted to unfuck it.

    “The Neurologist has been brought in …”

    Yeah, all it takes is one outside observer in a professional capacity to decide on administrative or domiciliary care, with getting it signed off by at least two others in a professional capacity, and it’s off to the high-security wing of a care home.

    The thing is that HIPAA keeps family members from knowing all of what’s going on, even if there’s some sort of signed consent decree, even if there’s a healthcare power of attorney in place.

    That’s because it’s easier to Blame HIPPA than it is to do the thing that’s required, but could be a “violation” if not done specifically to book. (Divemedic probably has some insightful stories to tell, whereas Han here is now merely a tourist through these parts.)

    So don’t blame the LifeFon folks, the professionals who have been working on him, the Neurologist with a capital N … seriously consider confronting your Mom about not telling you about this, with enough seriousness that she gets that she fucked up.

    “How in the Hell he got that banged up falling in that teeny bathroom beats the shit out of me …”

    What looks accidental and what looks like it’s abuse?

    You won’t like to ask those kinds of questions, but you or someone else will ask them anyway.

    “… oars ain’t fully in the water if you dig me …”

    That’s what I thought too until Mother Dearest The Covert Narcissist decided she wanted to cash out my father.

    So keep your eyes open, your ears tuned, and your hands off unless you absolutely know what fuckery is about.

    Especially be careful how you get directly involved, because if you start acting like a caregiver, a court could conveniently rule that this would be very convenient for The State even if it’s not so convenient for you.

    This often involves losing large sums you don’t actually have.

    Focus on what it takes to get your father stable, and keep an eye out for anything and everything weird.

    BTW, this is most emphatically not advice, it’s just some condensed life experiences, and hopefully thinking about it even a little will be of some use later on.

    Get some rest when you can and don’t give a toss about the day-to-day with your motley crew of blog observers, they will still be here. 🙂

    1. Awesome info. My wife and I care for her Mom, so some of this doesn’t apply. But there is SO much useful info here that I’m gonna have the wife review this too. Thanks.

      1. Like everything, take it with a grain of salt.
        Main thing is make sure someone is DPOA for healthcare, and end of life wishes are clear (would you want a feeding tube, ventilator, etc, if terminally ill/bed bound, etc).
        I got sick and tired of tying down people who are nearing the end of their lives (look up “terminal agitation”, it sux).
        Annnnnd (this will get me hated) in GENERAL, not always, sons never wanna let parents, especially mom, die. “Do everything” is what they say, then spend nearly ZERO time at their side. Cowardice! Grrrrrrr
        So they scream and scream guano crazeeeee as we put out needle after needle and tube after tube in their bodies.
        Hated that more than you can imagine.

  6. Well, I have been the caregiver for folks like your parents. It is simply hard on everyone-including the caregiver. Rather than a home as first choice-depending on what the finances are-talk to a professional agency that provides home care and hospice care. You will have someone on YOUR side that can act as a liason between the parents and you and the state and the insurance. (All of it is a nightmare.) They may do well in their own home with 24/7 care. And it would give you and Gretchen some peace of mind.

  7. Dammit, I wish the best for everyone involved. I care about you all. The current thing sucks. Blessings upon you all.

  8. “How in the Hell he got that banged up falling in that teeny bathroom beats the shit out of me…”
    Think about it…small bathroom, nothing but obstacles like countertop/sink, toilet, bathtub/shower, towel racks.
    It ain’t like there’s a clear shot to just the floor. (Maybe if he stands just right and falls just right. It never works that way)
    Having responded to stuff like this for over 30 years, all I can tell you is, IT SUCKS FOR THE FAMILY! It sucks for the patient! It just sucks for everyone.
    Take a small step back and take a deep breath. It won’t help to approach it pissed off.
    Take full stock of the situation and see what resources might be available. (Researching this might drive you off the deal end)

    In my state, with my blind, 96 mom there isn’t shit available for help.
    She’s was Depression kid and saved her entire life. She now has too much $$ to qualify for any assistance and not *nearly* enough to pay for what she needs. Talk about a Catch 22…

    1. Yeah, she’d have to gift you her house (or whatever her main asset is) 3-4 years (can’t remember) before her nursing home placement to avoid Medicare taking it all.

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