Nuked From Orbit and a Basic Story

Greetings and Salutations!
Yeah… as stated in the comments regarding last nights podcast:

“After serious discussion, the decision was made by the inner circle to delete all evidence of last night’s stream. We appreciate everyone who watched, but last night was an embarrassment to our cause that we’d rather forget ever existed. To quote one member of the Regiment:

It’s one thing when you’re poking fun at the obvious failures of humanity, but it crosses a line when the joke starts to feel like it’s punching down instead of holding a mirror up.

Humor works best when it challenges people to think or reflect. Not when it leaves a group of people feeling smaller or singled out due the piss poor behavior of a subset of them.

If there’s any doubt about how it might land, that’s usually a sign it’s not worth posting.

He’s correct, and last night we failed in our mission. You can’t spread hope through comedy by punching down, and that’s exactly how it came across. We hold ourselves accountable for the inclusion of one particular guest at the worst possible time in his personal life (I know it sounds weird after last night, but pray for him, seriously).

This will not happen again.”

So yeeeeeeeah.
MAJOR bummer man.
Like dayyyyum.
I talked to Battle Dwarf today, and he assured me it wasn’t me… that it was a few things ‘going on in the background’ over and above which when explained to me, I totally get it. And yeah, I’m the guy who’s having a shit-life right now, in that yeah, life has “kicked me in the Jimmah!” pretty fucking hard over the past few… to the point I would be happy if April 2026 was nuked from orbit… including ME.

Talk about a suckfestivus.
<Le Sigh>
I hope in the future I can be considered to be a guest again back on there… but IRL? Well… we all know how MY luck is amiright?

So because of this, I’ll relay an old Basic Training Story to y’all that’s sort of humorous. Hopefully y’all will get a grin out of it, as well… I’m currently all out of smiles and chuckles on my end.

The story is that I ACTUALLY Puked in my D.I.s Face back in maybe? 1990… somewhere around June of 90 as I recall…

It was at Ft Benning.

I got served Brussel Sprouts on a field FTX (a field training exercise for the Infantry) on one of the rare “Hot ‘A’ meals (an actual hot meal) delivered to the field via Mermite cans:

The food gets put in those three tall aluminum can, and a cup of boiling water gets dumped into the carrier. They’ve been around since World War Eleven according to Representative Omar… (Jes’ Sayin’)… they’re pretty ubiquitous in the DotMil… so anyways, we got a meal delivery of HOT chow… which unfortunately included brussel sprouts.

BOILED Brussel sprouts. 

Can’t stand the smell of them, I get flat out nauseated just because of the stench. Unfortunately, they forced the kid on the chow line who was serving from the Marmite to put them on my tray. 

Usually I went out of my way to avoid getting them on my tray under ANY circumstances ‘cos of the Basic Training Rules of Food the whole ‘if you take it/you eat it’ and there wasn’t any way I could…

Now mind you, I -tried- to skate… I buried them under napkins and the leftover inedible chikin bones… call it “camo’ing” them fuckers so’s the D.I. at the garbage check wouldn’t see them…

Unfortunately, per my usual luck, I got caught and it went down something like this: 
 
D.I. Ignorant:  “Private BCE! What haven’t you eaten your delicious, nuuu-trious, government-approved Brussel Sprouts???!!!???” 

Pvt BCE/Me: “I’m allergic to them Drill Sar’nt!!!!” (screamed at him full force, and I dunno if I am, it was all I could think of on-the-fly that might keep me from getting killed) 

D.I. Ignorant: (Steps forward, shouting) “That’s BULLSHIT! You will eat these greens, right here, and right now! No way on God’s Green Earth have -I- ever heard of an allergy to Brussel Sprouts… Now, open your fucking gob annnnd begin!!!” 

Pvt BCE/Me: Opens mouth, starts chowing down… eyes begin to water… second Sprout goes in… > queue disturbing stomach noises < 

D.I. Ignorant: (Gets face-to-face w/me, who was diligently chewing and knowing what’s coming) “Now Pvt BCE, aren’t those just the best?  Just like momma makes back home… swallow ’em and tell me and all these other privates what you think of good ole US Army Hot Field Chow!” 

>stomach starts making audible violent rebellion noises<

Pvt BCE/Me: -Swallows masticated nastiness- body starts trembling…sweat starts pouring from all the pores and orifices… skin is now a gray-ish pallor according to witnesses later… 

D.I. Ignorant: “Well Pvt BCE?” 

Pvt BCE/Me: Opens mouth to reply

 HOOOORF!!!!! 

I proceed to projectile vomit the -entirety- of my lunch allllll over the D.I.’s chest…

As I recall, it was a thick stinky greenish barf…

I didn’t have enough loft to get him in the phizz… just enough to splatter the front of his BDUs with the half eaten remains of the Fried Chikin and Green Beans I -did- manage to scarf down…

It ran alllll the way down and dripped on to his spit shined Corcorans 

Fucker got Forrest Whitter Eye at me, while I weakly lost my legs… went to my knees and said almost in a whisper…

“I…tried… to… tell…. you… Drill….Sar…” 

I passed out right after… between nerves and the whole situation, I was out for a few. They ended up hitting me with an I.V. as I was also dehydrated (which didn’t help the situation as it seemed).

After the ‘incident’, I found out D.I. Ignorant got his ass handed to him by the First Shirt for ignoring that I had told him about an allergy. I mean I have no idea if there IS such a thing, BUT… My circumstances and what happened seemed to confirm it enough that the 1Sgt didn’t want to risk it….

I mean TBH, I made up the ‘allergy’ on the fly… I mean I just knew I couldn’t stomach them from experience… same goes for broccoli and all them other sprout-like veggies.

Either way, it saved my ass… and NO I still cannot stand the smell sight nor taste of the dreaded Sprouts. 
I mean Hell, I didn’t get smoked…

AND I got to puke on my D.I. so I call it a win.

So More Later
Big Country