Out of Pocket For A While

Even Dead, DC makes life difficult.
She took her own life tonight…
In front of Gretchen…

I’m cold, but not that cold.

So I got shit to do.
Save any criticism for later, I don’t have the bandwidth to deal with any more bullshit right now. There’s also the matter of a 4 month old baby boy who’s now an orphan.

I ain’t got time to deal with anyone coming at me with unnecessary critical bullshit
‘Cos yeah, I’m a fucking white knight, much to my own horror and detriment…
More Later
BCE

62 thoughts on “Out of Pocket For A While”

  4. to do something like this in front of your Mom ? yeah. she wanted to fuck with her head.
    try to tell everyone that “this” was and is not their fault. she made a choice to do this.
    but this is really fucked up. hang in there.

  5. So sorry. No criticism. Despite the fact that she made your life hell, appreciate that you are trying to support and pick up the pieces. Prayers for you.

  7. Gah, that truly sucks. Not quietly away from people, but in front of her mother? Truly truly sucks.

    And, no, you’re not wrong for being a white knight. Take care of yourself and stay sane.

    Seems that being fired came at just the right time, no?

  8. May Strength and calm fill you. Give everything that you can to those that need it, but not to the point of damaging yourself; If you can’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of others.

    A lot of us are sending love and peace your way.

  9. Have dealt with way too many of those for one person to have to deal with…may peace be able to find you and sit with you for a bit. 😣

  10. Sending you love, peace, and blessings for this time. Know that God never gives you more than you can handle. We are to live in a constant state of spiritual readiness, repentance, and trust in Him. Please take care to protect yourself while protecting others.

  12. Boss:

    You already have enough going on.

    Suggest you text any updates to me and I will update over at the Mothership. You know my blackout period coming back to FUSA late Thursday night; will board 1st plane Thurs am ~ 1030CET; 90 min layover, then onto 2nd plane for return to US ETA ~1730EDT. For that long haul, suggest rolling to next buddy for connectivity. You know my backstory; one of the lessons learned was that you ALWAYS have someone intact watch over you.

    ALWAYS.

    Your call, but do strongly urge connectivity with stable trustworthy bros.

  14. BCE, that’s a terrible turn of events (yeah, even a hardened bastard like me is capable of basic human decency). Hope you can get through this (both to whatever extent you may still be emotionally invested, and in terms of it not dealing you any undue collateral damage). I won’t level any criticism for your attempting to be helpful under the circumstances (if that’s your intent), but man, please take care of yourself as well. I want to reiterate what CA closed with above; stay in contact with one or two of your trusted bros for any needed support and advice to keep you from stepping on any “land mines”.

    Aside from all that, you have my sympathy for being in yet another really tough spot. There’ve been stretches in my life where it seemed like damn near everything was going wrong, but I usually got a breather after a while. You seem to get piled on with strife and tragedy almost non-stop unlike any other dude I’ve ever known.

    And to be honest, I worry about what all the shit that gets heaped on you is doing to your health, physical and otherwise. A man can get worn down to a nub – or just plain stroke out – when the hits just keep coming endlessly, so please look after yourself and don’t give more than you have left in the tank, so to speak.

  15. Prayers brother. Those beautiful children. Addie shouldn’t have to know about this shit.

  16. Don’t even know how to approach this…. From all reports DC was an awful excuse for a human, but self deletion is pretty much the worst possible fate. Especially when there’s younglings in the picture. Mass sympathy goes out to Gretchen and the kids. Prayers for you all.

  17. Fuck, man…do you ever get a break?
    I’m sorry as hell Big Guy. If you need a Florida Man’s ear to chew on, I’ll proton you my number.

    I’m up a good chunk of the time. Between espresso and energy drinks, I’d decided that sleep is for pussies.

  19. Billy….,
    Prayers……. I am with you, Man!!
    Florida is not that far away for me….. and my old 09 Yaris gets 36mpg…
    I am on standby…..
    La. swamp rat…
    skybill

  21. Holy shit! This genuinely disturbed me, worst thing I have heard in a very long time. Take care of yourself BCE.

  22. It speaks a lot of a man’s character to go and do the suck even for those who have done you wrong. That is really turning the other cheek.

    I am really proud of you.

  23. Man, I’ve been through 2 suicides by friends/family. Shit sucks on a whole different level. Prayers and God be with you.

  24. Prayers for Gretchen (especially), the children and you. And anyone else caught up in this final fallout. I can relate to a degree. I had a close family member I cherished take herself out, coming up on a year ago now. No words there either.
    You did right by her, even when you refused to deal with her chaos theory lived large.

    1. Agree. Billy, you tried to save her from herself. Some people don’t want to be saved. Our thoughts are for you my brother.

  26. I don’t have the words..stay strong. Good vibes being sent from across the pond.

  27. God bless you and hold you in His hands.
    You’re stronger than you think.
    There are no coincidences.

  28. Prayers for you BCE, and especially Gretchen. No matter what happens a mother’s Love will over look any and all flaws, behavior, and even hate.
    Which leaves them totally undefended when the kids do something truly evil.
    Prayers for her as well as the whole family, the kiddo deserves better than the one who delivered em.
    MSG Grumpy

  29. The Lord has put you in this situation at this time for a reason. Severance and free time available so you can do whatever you need to do. Keep the faith and hang in there.

    1. Amen.

      Cling to God. Share your faith with Addie and the other kiddos. He will take care of them too.

  31. Praying for you. And Gretchen. That’s messed up. I know this is a be strong for the woman and children moment, but you’re useless as a casualty. Take care of your own mental health so that you’re actually useful to them. And remember, God does love you. ALL sins are forgiven by the blood of Christ. ALL of them, past present and future.

  32. We always do what must be done. The white knight gene is still there and cannot be dismissed.
    You are a good man BC no matter how rough around the edges. Vaya con dios amigo.

  33. Jeezuz dude…
    Blessings and prayers.
    Follow your heart. You’re a good man, you know what is right and what is best.
    Hey, on the plus side, no tractor factory to worry about!

  35. Fer fu©ks sake. God bless you hombre. The shit never ends. Thoughts and prayers, yadda, yadda and yadda…

  36. Dude. That. Sucks. Will keep you, Gretchen and the kiddos in prayers. Take the time you need to get things sorted. Take care of yourself, man.

  38. Sorry to hear about that,sucks big time for all involved.

    You mentioned you thought the baby’s dad was a good dude in the past,he and the little one will need some emotional support along with Gretchen,though to a degree they are part of your past feel you will do what you can.

    Remember also to take care of yourself,better days for your future are coming.

  42. Sorry Brother that you have to deal with that shit…I’m sure you are going to have to handle it because that’s what we do…

  44. So very, very sorry for ya. May God give you strength and peace in this time of need.

  49. Prayers up friend.

    The poor kids. A White Knight is something honorable friend.

    Prayers up.

  53. I’m so very sorry for you. My family prays for you. You see the advice and the admonishments. Make sure you take extra time to think and reflect before committing to any course of action or making any promises while you are dealing with this in real time. As harsh as this sounds, you are now, due to the recent employment/marital changes, without (too many) obligations. You are now in a place where you get to decide your own fate. Don’t get sucked into a whole bunch of new problems/commitments/hassles because of this latest horrible turn of events. The children of the recently deceased are one thing (you have attachments and you care. I get it. They’re children. They must be protected and nurtured); the ex, her now deceased daughter, and anyone else are not your concern. As harsh as this is going to sound, they made their choice. They have to deal with the consequences without your support. That’s what happens when you cut someone loose for frivolous reasons. You get to clean up your own mess. It sucks.
    I understand if you don’t want to post this message to your blog or want to delete it, but I just felt that you needed to read this and think about it before making any huge life choices while in an emotional state. I wish you (and Sapper) the best.
    Chris from Arkansas

  54. No words man. And certainly no criticism. Deep down you are a decent, caring man and this marks you as one of Gods’ children. I can’t imagine what those kids are going to have to deal with when they understand what happened. And Gretchen will have a lot to deal with also. Prayers for God to help you all bear this burden.

  55. Long time reader, first time commenter, so I’ll keep it brief.
    BCE, I’m sorry to read of the difficulties currently facing you and family. I pray our Heavenly Father will provide y’all comfort, healing, sustenance, and the strength to bear.
    God Bless

  56. BCE,

    Being a man is not “white knighting”. You are doing the right thing. We all would like to see you back here sometime, but that sometime is whenever you pick it back up again. None of us are entitled to your work. Take care of business, take care of yourself. Your immensely important roles in your personal life will be judged by God, not by mere men.
    I hope that you can not only find peace, but be the anchor of peace for your relations that they need in this chaos. My heart breaks for the now motherless infant.
    Don’t rush back. People will still be there. My God bless you in your efforts.

  57. Big,
    Hang in there. Easy to say hard to do. I look for your posts ea h day. You are on my prayer list
    You are here for a reason. Keep that in your head.
    Paul J

  58. Prayers too for the fallen soul of a woman so lost in the darkest deepest illusions of separation from our Father in Heaven and so consumed by hatred and self-induced hopelessness that she chose to commit a seemingly unforgivable rebellion against His Will – a desecration of His Manifest Creation and a final act of supreme passive-aggression. Perhaps in His Mercy God may yet salvage this mother’s soul and, in some way that we may not comprehend, afford her a pathway to redemption. Presumably, the child left behind has at least two willing, functional, intelligent, spiritually benevolent White men (BCE and the child’s biological father ? ) whose first priority is the child’s welfare. This is not happenstance. It was part of a plan. My humble 2 bits.

  59. Billy, your first thoughts are how can I fix this, your community here knows you and knows your thinking. Please step back from this shit show. It is not of your making or responsibility. The Ex chose not you, take that as a sign. Back up and close down coms with the Ex to one narrow channel with witnesses. I expect that the two girls will be used to suck you back in to the drama and chaos. Don’t set yourself up to be used and Sapper to be used out of pity and grief. I would advise to skip the funeral but that has most likely happened. Sorry I’m late with this unsolicited advice but chemo 4 really kicked my ass. Get some distance from the shitshow and reevaluate your participation.

    Spin Drift

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