Had a Pet Emergency

Greetings Me Droogs N Droogettes!
So we had a ‘pet emergency’ this A.M.

I just got home.

About 3 days ago, Gretch’s cat “Beans” who -I- call “Penis” started barfing like constantly. Not hairball barfs either. I caught the fucker chewing on some grass from one of Gretchen’s Fall Wreath projects.

Lil Bastid managed to E & E and finish eating it before I could recover said hay/grass. That was the beginning. Woke up to grass/hay barf in the living room floor (tile thank the Gods).

It progressed from there.

He then started drinking the entirety of the water bowl. Now we’re talking a big bowl that all three nan-niamals use communally. Penis drained it, and about 15 minutes later, another Bazooka Barf, ‘cept only water with some stomach acid came out… MASS quantities mind you, considering he chugged about two quarts of H2O. He did that three more times, and at 8 a.m. he was all slumped over, lethargic as hell, resting his head on the water bowl like he was hung over.

I packed him up and headed right to the Urgent Vet Care here in town.

Turns out it was a good thing I did as they told me after his bloodwork was really bad. Like fatality level… his lil pee-pee/urethra was stopped up, and his bladder was like blowing up. His potassium levels blew the machine away… it rates it from a 1 to a 10 mgl. His just had a red arrow showing it was waaay over 10, so any delay his lil heart would have stopped.

Essentially a near-fatal kidney stone, ‘cept a Kitty Kidney Stone. They took him and between Sapper and Me, and a special thanks to Scoutergreg for a donation to “Save the Penis!” fund, we were able to cover the OMFG bill. (If you’re of mind, hit the tip jar if you like this content. Shameless begging done) They drained over 180ml of pee out of his poor abused bladder… considering that a full grown male cat’s bladder is like normally only capable of holding between 5ml-10ml at a stretch, no wonder the poor fucker was down and out.

I know I’d be if’n it t’were me.

But one thing, Tell you what, if I had it to ‘do over allllll over again’ a Vet might be a valid and HIGHLY LUCRATIVE gig man… what with allllll the Future Cat Whamenz and Dog-Moms out there amiright? Talk about $$$.

So I was at the Vet from about 0900 til about 15:00.

THEN I got home and had to deal with Gretchen being all upset as Penis…errr… Beans is her baby so to speak. She got ready to go a pick him up… all we needed was a phone call.

Around 19:30 we get the call to come get him.
Now… couple of things here. He was sick enough that by all norms he should be hospitalized, but the Urgent Care I chose didn’t offer overnight ER stuff.

Who knew? Oops, my bad.

The Doc told me there was a chance he’d need to get transferred to the ER Overnight Vet, one that came highly recommended. I could practically -see- the dollar signs replace his pupils…

I told him flat the fuck out that we were fucking broke as a joke and that the $250 a night (thru to Monday) to take care of the lil Bastid was a no go. Whereupon he explained that if he didn’t do a medical transfer, that he’d have to take the catheter and the IV line out, and we could then take our chances.

I explained to him MY background (Fort Sam Houston Special Medics Course) and that I have everything I need to handle it. We did a lot of the ‘wink-wink-nudge-nudge’ after that as I found out he was prior service Navy. SO he then went into meticulous detail as to exactly what the ER Unit would be doing and when.

Needless to say I took extensive notes.

An additional $750 on top of the already 4 figure payout was out of the question, so when we left, I gave the Doc a big thank you and we came home. First thing I had to do was re-set the room to isolate him from Stella and Bob. Stella because she’s worried and Bob because Bob’s a dick. Then I busted out a fresh IV bag and I only had to connect it to his shunt. Some one at the office had put the fucking needle back on the end of the IV line (covered) but it was jammed on there hard and I was worried that I’d break it getting it off. I mean I have backups of my backups, but still, getting a lot of that shit these days is pricey and hard to come by.

In the end I got the IV line back in, set it to the required 40-50 mL per, measured his urine output, and now he’s down for the count. 0600 I’ll hit him w/his meds, and check the bag(s)… IV and Pee collection. Once his pee bag isn’t quite as red, I should be good to uncath him (shudder).

The things I do Aye?
Which reminds me, I need to get moar 90% isopropal for sterilization… Note for the AM…

Otherwise, wish me luck, hit the donate button and I’ll holler later
Big Country

11 thoughts on “Had a Pet Emergency”

  1. Prayers out for Mr. Beans. Cats are hard to read sometimes since they try to hide any weaknesses, often past the point of no return. Back in 2020 we lost a much-loved yearling kitty to antifreeze poisoning after a two-night stay at the all-night emergency vet, it wasn’t cheap and was very emotionally stressful for the missus (wasn’t exactly easy on me, either).

    Happy to hear your med training works on felines. Give Stella and Bob some extra treats and catnip.

  2. I have an old friend who works as a Vet Tech. She has told me that Veterinarians have the highest suicide rate in the medical field. They not only see a lot of animals die but have to put up with clients who are angry that their pet died and take it out on the Vet because he/she wasn’t able to save the critter. They are also very angry when presented with the bill and, once again, hold it against the Vet because “little fluffy” died and it cost so much to save the pet.

    Do you think you have the personality to put up with that day after day? I don’t think I could do it.

    1. That last sentence of the first paragraph should have ended “cost so much to try to save the pet.”

      1. Yer good and maaan… never thought of that… I -might- not be able to hack that. Hoomans? Got NOTHING for them… the Fuzzies? A whoooole diff’rent tale there

  3. Good luck with the fluffers, sent some shekles your way in honor of the Hate Tank and fuzzy frens!

  4. Best of luck to you and your Penis BCE.

    A good Cat Bastard is the best companion a man can have. Miss mine to this day…

  5. Hey BCE,

    I’m glad the kitty is on the mend.
    I know how expensive vet bills can be, so I sent some shekles your way.

  6. Wait a minute…3 pets in the household and no CareCredit card?? Every little doggie I know has a CareCredit card. They give you 6 months to pay the whole thing off at no interest. Look into this. My spaniels have a $10,000 limit so I can get at least one taken care of. And Yes; being a vet/vet tech is a VERY stressful job. This doesn’t take into account all of the a-holes who walk in with cats or dogs and “just want them euthanized” cuz they are a nusiance. Or the hit by a car dumped pets that a good neighbor brings in. Vet school is $250,000 or more-depending on your specialty and level of expertise. Just like a hooman doc, you want the best. Every year, my vets and vet techs get a Christmas gift. Send them a box of good candy-it goes a long way.

  7. Having watched MY cath tip the scales at 1,800 ml and then 1,700 slightly later last year (long story but the term of “sleepy bladder syndrome” covers it) I can relate to Beans’ plight.

    Take care of the ‘lil guy and you MIGHT win a new friend…..

    Night Driver.

  8. Some puke grabbed up the community cat, a tiger striped Tabby.
    I let too much space lapse between us as it walked behind, hopefully it isn’t charcoaled on a rotisserie or used as a snack at the local cock fighting house in the fundamentally transformed Magic Soil Subdivision Sector 19.
    Maybe they just needed some luck, found a $100 in a wallet shortly after the cat followed me home several years ago.
    Never considered it “mine” and I’m glad it hung around for a few years.

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