Daddy Needs a New Keyboard and Uber Blues…

Greetings Me Droogs N Droogettes!
So, per usual, I’m late over at the Substack with the Russian NGIRP. That’d be the National Guard Individual Ration Pack. Those of you who read both, please be patient and understanding in that even my ‘hardened gut’ have been having ‘issues’ with that thar Canned Rooskie Queee-zeen.

TMI but man, I thought MREs backed you up!?!

No wonder Ivan’s field grunts have that perpetually pissed off and constipated look on their faces. A 24 Hour Menu means I can only ingest -so much- before I’m looking for a garden snake…

Not for nothing tho, without revealing too much, it is good… Tasty… like surprisingly so… deceptively even. So I have to take it slow, and left Mother Nature take it’s course without perma-blocking anything critical.

Now, that being out of the way, I need a new Keyboard. Working this AM, whilst -trying- to have my Coffee, and I knocked it right over FULLY into the wireless KB… Like no coming back from it… I tried the “dry it out, forced air” routine, but waaay deep down inside, when the battery light kept blinking red, and all the other lights lit up, and didn’t turn off, I knew it was toast. I’m currently on the old backup to the backup….

That’s the intro into the ‘why’ of the new Raffle I’m doing. Granted it’ll also help with the bills, but hey… Lot of y’all in the past have donated/taken a chance, so what the hell. Especially since I did the Krainian Meal Substack, and announced the Russian one, I got a package yesterday from Brit-Land. Seems a “subscribed Squaddie” who’s a regular reader here sent me not one, but 3 current up-to-date BritMeals.

Like New-New
Package date of July 2022 with a five? year shelf life I believe… might even be longer. Pool’s Surplus in the UK states that in the newer retort pouches, in good storage (good average temp, etc) that they could be as good for up to 25 years.

Now in Affy, I got (and still have some of the pieces/parts of one around here somewhere) a hold of the earlier boxed variant, and the ones I had were old-old. Pack date of like 1997. They were still edible. Tasted like complete bullocks of course, but according to the Squaddies I knew at Bastion, ALL BritRats were ab-so-loot-shytte.

So, I got 3 of the new ones, all with the same pack date of July 2022, and for those of you who know, in DotMil timeframes, that’s like “OMG Fresh!” The other interesting thing was that one of the meals was Haji-Halal.
Vegetarian/Halal. (And correction FWIW, the pack date on the Haji-Halal Meal is, as you can see, May of 2022, my bad)
Check the menu:

Menu #6. Halal Pasta Bolognese OR Halal Steak and Veggies, Ramja Masala and Vegetarian Sausage and Tomato sauce (for brekee no less!) That’s a ‘thing’ with BritRats… they always invariably have a Vindaloo, Curry, Marsala and/or “Former Colonial Overseas Weirdness” on the menu… So, this is a ‘thing’ as the note that I got with the meals said that out of 14 meals in a menu/case, 6-8 of them are Halal and 2-4 of them (depending on the issue unit, i.e. Case Model A, B or C) the 2-4 are fucking Vegan if you can believe it…

So, any other DotMil Droogs or Droogettes from Foreign Lands, send me some of your Rats, I’ll pay the freight and send gifties and thank yous back at you. Specifically, I want to try (and Poast about) Our. Greatest. Ally. Evvar. namely an Israeli MRE, and then maybe a French/Spanish/Italian? I know you can buy them, but cost prohibitive is an serious understatement.

Hell, this BritRat? On Ebay? About $70+/-.

Here’s the Dealio:

$10 Gets you an entry.

Use the PayPal, make sure you have a valid email addy so I can email the winner to get the prize out. Bad Addy=No Prize=Sadness. Happened to one of y’all a waaaays back… gave me a bad addy, and shit showed up back here, and by the time the smoke cleared, he was like, “It’s all good, no worries.”

So, $10 Per Entry
$50 Gets you 10 Entries.

I was going through and resizing some of my various web gear. Yeah, the diet is going VERY well. Sitting at 314 right now… So due to tactical considerations, I have different sets of designated web gear… one for with wearing Body Armor only, one for light patrolling, one for the M21, One for the Shotgun as primary, you get my drift… Different mission, different web-gear. Easier than having to strip down/reconfigure your shit.
What I found, which I have deemed “excess to needs” is one of those really nice Damascus Boot Knives that I had a bunch of from a couple of years back. I raffled off a few of them, and they were really popular. This one is now, as I said, “Excess to Needs” as Sapper hooked me up this past B-Day with a new boot knife. And this one was one of the nicer ones, hence why I bogarted it… SO I’ll include this:

So that you can cut open the ration that you win.
I’ll even include one of these as well:

A lil baby Fleet Glycerin Enema.

You –might– need it after eating the BritRat… better safe than sorry. No… seriously… ‘Tis some bad humor… that thing has been floating around (bad pun sorry) on the work bench forever and a day from when Gran#1 had serious constipation issues, so we had to ‘assist’ so to speak… SO unless you really want it I won’t include that… The knife and the Rat? For sure.

Part of the reason I’m now even MOAR Strapped than usual is that Uber is screwing around with me. Those of you who have been here for a few years know there was a period of time when I was “job hopping” and not entirely it being my fault. During that time, I was doing MAD Uber. The whole job thing tho? The shit that really used to steam me was getting on through the temp agency, being told that after 90 days, I’d be hired on “full time” only to hit the 90 day marker, and be cut loose. I found out much later that it seems that particular company did this with such regularity, that ALL the Temp Companies in Tampa REFUSED to feed them people, and eventually, they folded.

Good. Fuck those guys.

Besides, it was run by an ALL Female Management Crew who made decisions based on ‘feelings’ and ‘muh vag’ rather than the right thing, which led to a 90 year old family company getting wiped out due to the new generation of Females being Woke…

So to continue… I loaded up tonight to ackchully do a full night after doing a full day at Glorious Peoples Tractor Factory. Had the cooler full of water, full gas tank, interior dash-cam set up (thank you free overnight delivery coupon Amazon!) and the Uber sign on the windscreen set, and man, ready to roll. Thursday nights are usually ok, if you start around 730pm +/-.

My first hit was while I was still in the driveway.

Caught me a bit off-guard as I literally went online, and got hit with a trip. I then realized it was a delivery. A fucking Uber Eats piece of shit delivery. I purely hate Uber Eats, both as a customer AND a driver. As a customer, I’ve had the worst customer service ever (missing food/wrong order/Some Fucker ATE MY FOOD on one of them, no fucking shit) and as a driver, the pay is dogshit.

I took it tho, as they consider NOT taking it as a downcheck which can affect potentially more lucrative rides later. I sucked it up, and then I realized it was a 15 minute one-way drive across fucking town to bring -someone- a fucking frozen Italian Ice. What got me was the fucking payout?

Fucking $3.55

Talk about a Royal Screwing
I used more in gas to do that run, add on that the nigger that I delivered it to wasn’t specific as to which apartment he was in, and on top of it, I almost got ‘contact high’ from when the stoned fucknut-sonofabitch-monkeyfest opened the door. Not only that, the cheap fucker didn’t give me a tip.

Fuck that noise.

When I shut off the app for responding ‘offline’ as they call it, I checked. Seems, as of now, despite passing the Background Check, there’s another one that’s still ongoing. Guess I passed well enough to deliver pizzas and hot dogs, but not folks. So until they deem me ‘worthy’ to haul people, I’m stuck like Chuck for Extra Bux.



Venmo and Mailing Addy given out on request.
Drawing will Take place say… Hmmn


That’s enough time to get mail in and whatnot.
The BEST WAY To Email Me Is At:


All Questions, Inquiries, Bitches, Complaints and Nudes (only of cute chicks) can be sent there. Cederq, don’t even think about it you bastard.

I appreciate the support.
More Political Homicide Later
Big Country

20 thoughts on “Daddy Needs a New Keyboard and Uber Blues…”

  1. Pappy had a stockpile of C rations back in the day and older brothers would jack the cigs while I got the gum and candy packs.
    Later there were post-it notes, hands off, this means you!
    The chocolate wafer cookies in the can were actually good and the little keyring can opener was awesome.
    The L shaped flashlights with the colored filters were cool too, low light in vehicle at night so you can remain unseen.
    Scuttlebutt is that “terrorists” got Prigo and the PMC is vowing revenge.
    There was a contingency plan in case he got taken out and the Putinator has layers of security and a food taster right about now.
    Found a brutal video that showed Prigo KIA outside the plane from people on the ground, not for the squeamish or just after having some rations.
    Oldest MRE’s here are 1998 and may not pass the smell test at 25 years.
    Knife duffel has a Fairbairn-Sykes that needs sharpening, a skinner, nice fold out found on flank walking that needs tightening for the belt mount screws that are loose, eyeglass size, and some Chinese stars that are actually for foot mangling by placing in the ground.

  2. Makes me sad beyond measure BCE that you are stuck delivering food to lazy niggers.
    Life choices are a bitch.

  3. A bowl (or two) of raisin bran between the MREs might aid the digestive flow.

  4. Maybe someone could just send you a new keyboard. Don’t pay the bills but it types. I have an old razer black widow mechanical that works great. I’ll donate it to you.

  5. I hit up a local computer repair shop for used equipment. Keyboards are practically given away. I’ve had really good luck on used monitors – haven’t paid more than $35 for one in a long time, and they tend to last for quite a while.

  6. Prune juice! Had three back surgeries with lots of narcotic goodies for pain. But those drugs will plug you up big time. Learned the literal hard way after the first surgery. After the second and third surgeries, had da wife bring me a big bottle of prune juice. Two 8 ounce hits per day will loosen your drug addled bowels. I keep a big bottle at home and drink some ever couple of days. Motivating in case you eat something you shouldn’t have. BTW, the stool softener they give you in the hospital? Literally, doesn’t do shit. Prune juice, baby!

  7. I don’t know about todays field rations, but back in the 1970’s they where shit.
    the frog ration had a small bottle of “booze’ in it. and some sort of meat(?) paste.
    I learned long ago to keep a small jar of Skippy in my rucksack. saved my ass quite a few times.
    don’t remember much about Brit rations other than the damn tea bags. same thing with German rations. I think we had them like 3-4 times only. our c-rations on the other hand, you could trade them for beer with the locals, (yes, they send out the kids with a 3 pack or so) and if you where close to town
    you trade them for a hot meal. such as it was. the c-rations we had where of late 1960’s issue= they all had smokes in them. but the thing I wanted was the crackers. the Brit ones where hard as hell.
    frog ones broke real easy, same with the German ones I remember.
    in the 101st they had and gave us “lurp” rations, lots of rice with them. the only good thing about them was you could add water and put it on top of your ruck to heat up. somewhat.
    and with old age coming on and with it the changes in what I can eat, I stick with canned food.
    kind of funny how food made with lower salt and whatnot always seems to cost more ?
    as for old keyboards, the one I am using has letters that are worn off. hard wired too.
    wish you well with the Uber thing. couldn’t do that myself. can’t stand most people/assholes these days anymore. must be a old age thing. like many others here, I just want to be left alone and die in peace of possible. if not, I still remember how to “play” with others

  8. Why do people torture themselves? BC – you should mix your potions of viagra, scotch and coffee with metamucil! That stuff’ll keep ya regular as a swiss watch! It’s shameful, really – a man your size should shit like a Texan or Albertan, and not like a canary!

    Likewise – you know how I hate to be negative and critical of people!!! – you should show some originality. Everyone does MRE reviews. You need to kick your game up a bit. Why not host a cooking show, starring photogenic guest stars like Yours Truly? The recipes can be found on Gab, courtesy of Blanche!

    My vision is a great table, surrounded by the net’s favourite stubfarts like Cederq, Aesop, Tree-Mike, Quartermain…

    THAT’S how ya get ratings and generate views. 🙂

  9. Big Country what is a “Good Day’s” haul at the Uber world?

    Is it really worth the hazards and probable damage to your vehicle?

    (I’d ask about yourself but you’re a noted hard head LOL).

    Local Walmart pays a solid 15.50 and hour with evening and night diff for the stockers. And they have Meh Insurance. Also if you’re a Walmart shopper like myself you get a 10% discount on your shopping after 3 months on job.

    At least in my area Walmart folks don’t get robbed. The last idiot that got noisy in Walmart found himself and his she-boon surrounded by adult males with bad attitudes. Seems you don’t threaten our older door greeters for free. There was a need for cleanup afterwards.

  10. Early ’80’s we traded C’s with the Italians. Seems we were always after their little packet of cognaq, even though it tasted like total dog shit! But we all know that Grunts ain’t there cause they be smart!! Being in an airborne unit, pogey bait was absolutely forbidden. That was Self policed as once we hit the ground, we were in the walking mans army. Anything extra in your ruck was painful.

  11. Is Lyft not a thing in Florida? I had a girlfriend who did Lyft and made $50K a year. Taking attorneys to the airports paid really well. One imbecile had her pick him up in El Dorado Hills (Ultra rich and fancy area) and drive to San Jose for their airport cuz it saved him time getting to San Diego. No kidding! Bypassed Sac International, San Francisco, and Oakland. Takes all kind. Delivering food is No Bueno. The cheap bastards don’t tip and the tippers usually pre-pay, so the restaurant keeps the money.

  12. In my experience, expecting Brit food to taste good is like expecting to find a leprechaun doing the Highland Fling around a pot of gold under a rainbow. Just ain’t gonna happen, trust me. I once ate at a Burger King in London, and they even managed to fuck that up royally. Ugh. The crazy fuckers boil bacon, ferchrissakes.

    1. …they drink warm beer. Their vehicles have Lucas electrics. I could go on, because I’m a Scot; but the English are fucking weird.
      Original Grandpa

  13. Never mind Uber and all the food delivery nonsense. My side hustle is Amazon Flex. You work when and how long you want and generally don’t deal with the public. Drop a package, scan, take a picture and go. Look into it, I think you’ll find it a pretty good money maker.

  14. I ate a Desert Storm era MRE back in 2008, it was 17 years old, and hadn’t gotten any better or worse for aging. Maybe I need to keep them in an oak cask for the aging process to work right.
    Most troop rations are absolute shite, picky people don’t join an all volunteer military, and the contractor with the lowest bid wins the right to inflict their products on the troops.

  15. In Grenada the kids used to chase our vehicles down the road yelling “Russians!, Russians!”. We thought: “Why do they think we are Russians?”, then we figured out that they were saying “Rations”. They wanted some MRE’s.

  16. The most cheap, low cal, and nutritious way to “get things moving” is to munch 3 plain celery ribs. No garnish except maybe a little salt. You will have peace again within a few hours. You can thank me later 😁

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