Oh Mah Gerd! We’re All Gonna DIIIIEEEE!!!

Greetings Everyone
Been taking a few days off as I just cannot keep up with the Bullshit Spin that keeps coming out. That includes tonight’s “hurricane” Helena.

According to ALL the news sources, Sapper, Gretchen and I have already died when this CAT -Whatever- storm ripped through and left a smoldering wreck of my entire A.O.

Who the fuck writes shit like that!?!

Fucking Punjab the Streetshitter is my own guess.
(Say the headline w/a Punjabi Accent and you’ll see what I mean)

Fear Not, We’re fine (so far so as to not tempt the Fates/God(s) whathaveyou). Everything is cool. My only issue and I’ll do a longer poast in the A.M. is that I’m off to ‘recover’ from this ‘trauma’ that Helena inflicted on us, so I’ll have some time.

So far we’ve had a literal 4 second ‘blink’ of power.

That’s it.

And the UPS kept the Internet and PC connected, so the only bitch there was having to reset the clock on the microwave and the stove. That and running out of beer…

So traumatic!
(The beer thing leastways)

So More Later
Big Country

31 thoughts on “Oh Mah Gerd! We’re All Gonna DIIIIEEEE!!!”

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  2. (Say the headline w/a Punjabi Accent and you’ll see what I mean)
    I did this mentally, and it’s so hilariously true…

    Perfect weather for… Florida Man.

    A joke for you.
    An Indian man was complaining about the lousy service on a recent flight. Seems the stew was ignoring the call button.
    (insert accent here) I keep fingering the stewardess, but she will not come.

    1. Well, he kept insisting she send “bobs and vagene”, so it’s no wonder she was ignoring him.

      I wonder if indians who fly with any regularity resent the high prices of airline drinks and snacks, especially considering how they gouge for hotdogs and taquitos down at the 7-11?

      You stay safe and dry down there BC.

  3. Ah yes, the fake news stirring up fear and bullshit. Sorry to hear of the devastation in your area BC. A lack of ones favorite beverage can have horrible consequences. Here in SoFla there is so much wind you would think there was a political convention in town.

  4. The “DOOM” porn is a bit over the top but this storm is no joke. I live about 150 miles Northwest of BCE and as the storm makes landfall to the West of me, I have winds at 75 mph where I am at and power is going out all over due to wind and trees coming down.
    Thankfully because of the new stronger building codes made after Andrew in the early 1990s, most houses can handle up to 125mph. Most people will be fine EXCEPT dumbasses on the coast near where the eye is coming ashore and didn’t evacuate. There you will have a 20 – 25 foot wall of water with the storm surge and well over 125 mph winds. If you are there, you’re probably going to die.

    Everyone else may lose power and have trees down, fences damaged, stuff like that.
    Hunker down folks and it is heading north and will weaken but have high winds and rain in Alabama, Georgia and Tennessee.

    1. Luckily most of Florida got some rain and wind, not so bad EXCEPT for people within 100 miles of the eye then it SUCKED.
      In my neighborhood there are trees down everywhere including several people had trees hit their houses or flatten their cars. Me, my next door neighbor had a big healthy oak tree about 60 feet tall go right over and the roots went into my property and the huge root ball tore out about 3 sections of my fence.

      There’s another $2000 after I just had sections replaced 6 months ago from the LAST damn storm.
      A friend of mine in the Fort White area had a big pine tree come down right on top of his detached metal garage. Goodby garage and car — flattened.

      I’ve been in Florida for 20 years and been through many hurricanes but that one was the worst that I’ve been through. A category 4 hurricane is no joke.

  5. My kid in the Pensacola area said the temperature dropped into the 70’s and they were getting a little mist, but that is about it. The other kid on the East coast said they had wind and tornado warning, but nothing happened.

    1. I live just north of Pensacola, and with the stiff northern breeze, it feels great going out for a smoke in the back yard in just my shorts. Low 70s with a north wind…if it weren’t for the speed of the wind, I’d start a fire pit out back and drink beer in the hammock all night.

  6. Ran out of Her REEEEEEE Cane Beer? The HORROR! Howdahell you manage to do that? Tell Sapper to put on his Big Boy Hip Waders and hie hisself down to the PackySacky for a Twelver…or three.

    Be Safe, Big Dawg…my Baby Girl and The Grands are just east of you past Reeferview on the high ground before Lithia. We’ll see you in the a.m.!

  7. “It’s the worst storm in history, we’re all gonna die!”

    Yeah, yeah, just like last time.

    RE: Microwave and stove clocks. Why haven’t the manufacturers figured that out by now and included “keep alive” batteries in them so the clocks don’t lose time every time the power flutters? Hell, a 20 cent slow discharge capacitor would work fine to keep the clock active for 10 seconds which is about all it would need.

    1. The last time we came home to find that the power’s been out, I realized that I didn’t have a single clock to tell me how long it was out. The bedroom alarm clocks all have battery backup, the computers and phones update as soon as they’re booted up, a couple wall clocks are battery only, and the stove and microwave are just blinking idiots. I need an old time electric clock to tell me how far behind it is.

  8. Most of Atlanta area schools shut down on Thursday, for an English rainy day, and will remain so today. The news has been screaming about deadly (tropical storm force) winds overnight, and while we have had a significant amount of rain, it’s now 0600 Fri and I haven’t noticed any wind at all yet. Coffee is up😎
    The boy who cried wolf died along with his sheep…..

    1. Snippet from Dobbins (KMGR) Terminal Area Forecast (TAF) for current time:
      ….BECMG 2709/2710 35040G50KT
      Here’s the Actual (METAR) wind
      KMGE 270955Z 30010KT 3SM
      40 gusting 50 knots (46-58 mph)?
      Nope 10kt(12 mph) steady….

  9. Yeah, yeah… its all media hype until it IS you. Hurricane Irma, we lived in the Keys. Lost the bottom floor and all furnishings, main plumbing stack, main electrical box, shed, etc etc. Imagine every home shop and garage dumped into the water…pesticides, paints, oils, gas and raw sewage in our canal for weeks. Neighborhood looked like shitty Kabul neighborhood for a year after, trash piles, empty houses, just shit everywhere.

    Nice that you made it through, now go to Pasedena or Pass-a-Grille or T.I. and give them a hand, or drop off some cases of water.

  10. We live around Charlotte. We have two trees which knocked down powerlines and are blocking the road. So many similar incidents around so no telling when the power is back and the road clear.

    Have broken out the camping stove to make coffee and breakfast.

  11. Stopped watching the hyperventilating weather channel coverage last night after it made landfall at “supposedly” 140mph winds. They cut to the guys in Tallahassee, Perry and Cedar Key and the winds were in the 15mph – 25mph range in each location. Other than somewater over the roads around Tampa/St Pete and on Dock St in Cedar Key this one looked like yet ANOTHER overhyped nothing burger.

  12. As a 6th generation Floridan, I’m here to tell you that running out of beer in the middle of a hurricane is a rookie mistake. You won’t do that again will you. I’m in Tallahassee and we are all fine, there was one palm front laying in my yard when the sun came up. Still got a case of beer in the fridge, one less than I had yesterday.

    1. That’s why you keep several bottles of booze on hand for when the beer runs out.
      You think a sober man runs out in the rain and wind in his underwear with a Gadsden flag in his left hand and a right middle finger to the sky while head banging?
      Wait…did I say that out loud?

  13. My AO (Eastern Kentucky) got wacked hard. Eye wall passed over about 1245-1300 or so. Total fucking mess he re. Pretty well tore the crap out of everything. Like a 100,000 without power, internet’s out, cell service is fubar, etc. What the hell is Florida’s hurricane doing in my back yard in Kentucky?

  14. Winner for the most brain dead post on the internet. “Only a little rain here” so storm was over hyped! Here in Boone we beg to differ.

    1. Yeah? Well here they hyped it to the point people were freaking.
      And for y’all in the mountains?
      Yeah, I feel for you.
      I-40 SB got utterly washed away in NC I saw… used to drive that on the regular…

  15. Rule by crisis and catastrophe as the dupes huddle with paper masks on and say when will mommygov save me in disaster capitalism times.
    It will be their last request as please face wall now comrade is called out.
    Out on PT time I chant CPUSA (D) RAT POS vermin in a steaming fourth world turd… it keeps me going.
    How bout that Fundamental Transformation that no one was asking for like Tikkun Olum.
    Si se puede!

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