Another Pizza Night and Some Maff on Tampon Timmah, and OhioMan Upstages FloridaMan

Greetings And Salutations!
Yep. “Play Stupid Games/Win Stupid Prizes!” was definitely that days phrase. My fault there to say the least but my biggest concern at the time was the absolute open hostility towards us as “them damned Florida People!”. Almost every. single. authority figure from the lowest beat-cop to the Judge who fucking took us to the cleaners and ruined us over Adriana, there’s some for-real Appalachian Hate for anything and everything Florida.

Gatlinburg was a one-off as the place relies on goodwill towards the touristas. The occasional ‘plucking’ of them via scurrilous speed traps not withstanding of course. Other places? Man, I’m just glad no one keyed or otherwise damaged our ride. It was that blatant.

Anyways… it’s over, the car has been registered legit since within a week of the ‘incident’ and I take it under advisement that one thing I found out, is those license plate scanners really do work and are connected into everything. THAT is what initiated the stop. Lil Miss Piggy’s plate-scanner ‘dinged’ to her that something was amiss with our plate. THEN when she pulled me over, and she got squirreled out when she realized that I wasn’t the expected 89 year old male behind the wheel… it went all downhill from there.

Like I said though, the whole intrusiveness of that encounter… that the Pig-in-Question knew everything about the car, the owner, every-fucking-thing ALL by just driving behind us for less than two minutes! So, I guess it’s “Welcome to The Pan-Opticon!” where we’re supposed to own nothing, eat ze bugs, and be happy.

Fuck That.

As far as Ze Bugs however…
I finally got around to making Sapper a pizza tonight. I’ve increased my learning curve, and things are getting better(er). It turned out exceptionally well again as you can see:

This time I utilized my rolling pin, which assisted greatly in forming the dough out and into a nice round shape. Again, 2min, 45seconds to cook. The pepperonis are the Hormel ‘thick cut’ variants, and as you can see have a nice cupped/curl to them with minor searing on them, which added to the overall flavor. Another plus is the pizza stone inside the machine is beginning to get a wee bit seasoned as well, so that’s good. After Sapper and Gretchen got their feed on, I got to have mine. The pizza (mine when I made it) of course drew the absolute diehard attention of The Sausage Princess:

Talk about concentration.
I swear her head didn’t move, and she didn’t blink at all.
Her ears and eyes say it all.

She’s called The Sausage Princess for a major reason, and that is in part that food to her is like Crack to an Addict. She positively loves her some pizza…

Moving on, the DNC, i.e. the “DemoncRat’s Notional Coven” meeting is finally over. I didn’t watch any of it, except when I had to endure clips of shit that people were banging on on Twitter… I didn’t hear nor see if the “Killeroid” aka “Miss Arkancide 1998” showed up… I did hear that Bill showed up, but I’m guessing that was in exchange for some Krainian Hookers and a 1/2kilo of really good blow… Hunter probably was jealous… “Big Mike” also took the stage at one point from my understanding and uttered, according to pundits, some of most tone-deaf shit about her parents saying that “…they didn’t trust anyone who took more than they needed” or words to that effect.

This from a Nigger with over 100 million dollars in real Property that stretches from Hawaii to Cape Cod in some of the most exclusive zip codes in the world. BLM: (buy Lots of Mansions) Thy Name is Big Mike. That and “Pot, this’s the Kettle, You’re a NIGGER!” succinctly wraps that up Aye? I also found a supposed picture of it/her/him wearing a necklace:

No idea if that’s photoshop or not, but either way, it’s funny.

Then, just another aside from the whole “Tampon Timmah The Blue Falcon/Buddy Fucker Stolen Valor Recipient” I realized that the Tampon (which shall be his name here from now on for brevity, and that I also like calling him a Tampon.) anyways, Tampon Timmah? He never did, outside of a 6 Month “deployment” to Vincenza Italy, any real deployments in a 24 year Nasty Girl Career. That means if he “retired” in 2006 as stated, he never did anything of ‘substance’ in the entirety of his worthless career, outside of dodging the ONE deployment that was needed.

Retired in 2006, means 24 years back, he joined in 1982+/-.
He was a cannon Cocker aka Field Artillery.
His service is “24 years” as everyone points out.

HOWEVER
That’s “Guard/Reserve Years”
Not active duty years.
In actual credible Active Duty AKA “Real Time” he served a total of 4.1 years ‘in boots’… how I got that number I explain:

NG/Reservists only get credit for actual time in uniform.

Meaning they earn ‘points to retirement’ for one point per day of ‘drill’ meaning each day they’re in Uniform, and serving. Now my understanding is that Tampon was not a ‘full time NG’ member. THOSE guys/gals are the ones who literally are National Guard, but work it like a ‘regular soldier’ 9-5/365 days a year. That’s a whole different catagory, and I’ll leave that be as it could confuse the issue.

Nope, Tampon was the “One Weekend a Month, 2 weeks a Year” type of Troop. Nothing wrong with that mind you, but there is a certain amount of ‘looking down on’ by the Active Duty kids. Especially since guys like Timmah love to flaunt the rank and years as if it was a full-time gig.

Breaking it down:
If Tampon did the standard Boot Camp/AIT (Artillery School) at Fort Sill, he would have been a National Guard on Active Duty for pay and counting on it for his veterans status. I’ll get into that in a minute (Veteran Status that is). In Tampon’s case, he had 18 weeks (+/-) of Basic AIT which is:
126 Days of Active Duty.

His “drill times” which is the “One Weekend a Month, 2 weeks a Year” works out extremely roughly to about:
50 Days of Active Duty per year credited.

So without his Italian Deployment to Vincenza, (6 Months according to sources, 182 days +/-) at this point, just using the Much Vaunted 24 years (minus the 6 months which was about 182 days as I stated before), with the formula being roughly
50 days per year AD times
X 24 years equals
= 1200 days of AD, then subtract the the
-25 days (6 months = 25 days, half of 50 for that year of 2003 worth of drills) which leaves us with a total number of (equals)
= 1175 days of AD. Now, we then have to add the Italian trip, which adds
+182 days to his AD total which means he did about a total of:
= 1357 Days of Active Duty

which includes the “Deployment” in Italy.
Divide that by 365 days for one year, and you get:
3.7 years +/- IN TOTAL ACTIVE DUTY
that Tampon served.

And yes,
I call that “deployment” that all the ‘tards are ranting about a fucking “trip.”

The primary reason being is Vincenza Italy is about as far from a “Hardship Tour” as you can fucking get. It’s home to the 173rd Airborne, and located in the Northeast of Italy. Its really close to Venice:

It’s a location most troops would kill to be stationed at.

Hell, I passed through it to fuel up on a vay-kay I took to Venice with my hawt German Girlfriend at the time… I rented a car, and we drove from Hohenfels in Bavaria to Venice and back. VERY romantical. Vincenza was on the way, so I used it as a Log Site to ‘rearm’ (the food) and refuel the vehicle. Saved me the USD by doing so as the economy was like waaaay more expensive, especially for fuel, even back then…

While I was passing through, -I- inquired at a few Infantry units there on “How do I sign up for this place and ditch my chickenshit outfit?” and was told to “…fuck off, we’re full!” It’s gorgeous there. EVERYBODY in EUCOM back then wanted ‘in’ there… and Still do from my understanding.

And considering this fuckup (Tampon) was at least an E-7, possibly an E-8 at the time? I, as well as ALLLLL the other troops out there know that SFC/Master Sgt. “Balless” Walz wasn’t toting a weapon nor guarding/patrolling a post while there. In fact I’d put a $10,000 bet that his fat ass was sitting in Air Conditioning somewhere doing absolutely nothing and more than likely doing a four-day work week and taking looong meandering tours of the various locales and attractions while the troops were doing “grunt stuff”.

The reason I know is that’s damned near what happened every. single. time. we had a Notional Girl troop show up to ‘augment’ us at Hohenfels in Germany. The guys E-6 and below would be out ‘doing the do’ with us, while the orificers and senior enlisted skated and hid out. It’s also the reason that there have been zero pictures of that particular “deployment” released by Tampon, as the majority of them would show him on a US Taxpayer Vay-Kay to Italy, while his troops did the shit-work of actually guarding the base.

Any takers on that bet?

Didn’t fucking think so.
So in summation, Tampon had about a grand sum total of (being generous on my part) 4 years of actual in-boots functional Active Duty.

I’m pretty sure some of y’all have boots that served long and with more honor and distinction. In fact, I have a pair of UnderArmour Brown Issue boxer-skivvies that surprisingly are still fully mission capable and THEY have more time in Iraq and Afghanistan, nevermind Kuwait and Guantanamo than Tampon has:

No exaggeration on this… The X-wife gave those to me December of 2003 for my deployment. Turns out when I went to get it, I found the other pair (they came in a 2 x pack). The waist band is slightly worn, but otherwise, ZERO holes/overstretch/wear on either pair. They’ve outlasted quite a few other pairs of UnderArmour as well. The secret to them?

They were made in the United States.
As part of the acquisition model, it used to be that ALL US DotMil equipment had to be sourced and made in the Big Ole U-S-of-A. THESE were a quality make from back then. THEN UA started outsourcing their shit to Viet Nam and the like, and the longevity and quality went right out the window and down the shitter.

So yep. I literally have drawers that have seen and participated in MOAR Combat than that fucking fag “Balless” Walz, AKA Tampon Timmah, the Blue Falcon/Buddy Fucker Stolen Valor Recipient did.

“Seen Combat” as being defined as those drawers “being filled with my piss and/or shit during some particularly close calls” in Iraq in particular. By the time I made Affy, I was an ‘old hand’ and really didn’t even flinch at ‘stuff’ anymore… But either way, from my POV? No shame it it either… the first couple of times are seriously asshole-clenchers or relievers… all depends on the particular circumstances at that particular moment… the Helo Crash in particular was a ‘brown pants moment’ as I recall… anyways…

SO that’s where I stand on that.
And for what I mentioned about Veterans Status? Well, in order to be considered a Veteran (post 1980 when they changed things):

According to the Veterans Affairs (VA), the number of days of active duty required to be considered a veteran depends on when you served: 

  • Before September 7, 1980:
    You must have served at least 90 days, including at least one day during a covered wartime period. 
  • After September 7, 1980:
    You must have served at least 24 months, or the full period for which you were called to active duty, including at least one day during a covered wartime period. There are some exceptions to this requirement. For example, if you were discharged for a hardship or reduction in force, you may only need to serve at least 90 days. If you were discharged for a service-connected disability, you may need to serve less than 90 days.

So that’s what I was talking about there.

Now, to close out for tonight, a bit of comedy gold I found on YouTube. The guy who put it up goes by the handle Atozy, and his content isn’t too bad. Mostly random shit and mentioning and talking about idiots on the web… In this case? Well…. you have to watch it to believe it:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=biP_jIYZoz8 Atozy

It won’t let me embed it apparently dammit.
But key takeaways are some of the lines the cops say to “Matthew Pancake” which is his IRL Name…

Highlights include from the body cam footage from the cops:

“…Multiple Gerbils recovered…our suspect has multiple Gerbils in his pants”

then:
“…please don’t tell me you put any Gerbils anywhere else!”

and lastly
“For your safety, can you tell us if there is a Gerbil inside you!?!”

I was fucking dying on this one.
You have to see it to believe it.

So More Later
Big Country
And BTW: Gretchen and I have out 8th Anniversary of our First Date Tonight… time flies amiright?

Still Babe-alicious 8 years later…

27 thoughts on “Another Pizza Night and Some Maff on Tampon Timmah, and OhioMan Upstages FloridaMan”

  1. It’s like dog years. 24 normal years becomes 3.5 NG years. Speaking of sweet assignments. I have a squid friend who spent his deployment while Vietnam was going on in Hawaii! That was his duty station. When I found out later I was like, WHAT!!!!???? He planned ahead and mailed sand candles to his mom almost weekly. Inside those sand candles was a film canister filled with a leafy green substance. Genius!

    1. Wouldn’t it be 24 NG years = 3 1/2 AD years?

      And kudos to your candle friend.

  2. One thing that does stand out about Senor Walz is his elevated NCO rank. To wit; there are plenty of Guard Guys that NEVER make rank due to the Guard’s rank structure. Unlike the Reserves, you can’t just move up in rank without a billet. As in a promotion means a MAJOR drive to drill. Especially in a state like Minnetonka. Someone more attune to the weirdness that is the NG Bureau can better explain the madness, but the term Good Old Boy network is an understatement. Usually a high ranking NCO earned his rank on AD and carried it into the NG, say like an infantryman (the Guard carries the combat arms, while the Army reserve are support MOSs, except in Hawaii). So for a Guardsman to have spent his entire career in reserve status, yet attained E8, frocked to E9 like Waldo did means he was connected to put it mildly, as well as being able to afford far away postings. The kind that require travel costs beyond the Specialist Mafia’s means. This guy was greased and had to have been promoted above men with AD time superior to his (the never deployed to a war zone and made to CSM????) and was either given all the HQ billets his worthless heart desired, and/or was able to afford to fly to any remote assignments. Sure as hell can’t drive during Winter drills and expect to make it to work on Monday as far flung as that state is.
    And the best part is after the Guard Bureau kissed his royal ass and gave him substantive rank he pulled the pin and left his unit in the lurch during a mobilization.
    F**k That Asshat… Excuse my French

    1. If Minnesota is like Mississippi National Guard promotions are definitely political. My Mothers Uncle Luigi made colonel in the ANG playing the political games. He and my Dad were full time ANG though my Dad only made E6 and worked on airplane engines.

      I used to take fingerprints and mugshots of messed up drunk drivers and winos in the prison ward of a local hospital in my younger days. I was shocked to discover ‘mousing’ is not an urban legend.

  3. BCE, you are a lucky man, in many respects, still, I wouldn’t want to be you. That’s why I read.
    Letsseeee…Four years… rough math, I spent about that amount of time actually steaming the reactor plant underweigh. 9yrs4mo (real active) no reserve time.

  4. My son-in-law was Navy Reserve for 6 years, which included a year in Afghanistan attached to an Army unit out of Bagram where he was told to grow his beard when he reported. He said he never left the base and the closest he came to combat is when a cow stepped on an old landmine outside the wire and pieces rained down on him as he was walking by. Anyway, he went active Navy and figured he only had to do 14 yrs to get 20. Wrong! I think his 6 yrs only accounted for maybe a year or two toward retirement.

  5. I was airborne and I was a combat engineer in Wildflecken Germany for 37 months continuous,no leaves, 4 years total (Jun 74-Jun78). Yes, I did Hohenfels a couple times, as well as Lamperheim, Graff and 3 Reforgers.

    I also did 6 weeks TDY in Vincenza. I was constantly volunteering for TDY assignments because I couldn’t stand like on post between field engagements where everybody is treated like a slave.

    Became a disabled vet instantly when a collapsed parachute canopy caused me to hit the ground a lot harder than normal resulting in 7 pelvis fractures, broken left ankle, knee, femur and left elbow. Was offered a medical out but refused it. I come from a long line of soldiers and HAD to do my time. No if’s ands or buts….and I did.

    In the 4 years I was in I made SP4 the hard way like everyone else did, by freezing my ass off jumping out of C130’s and freezing more in foxholes an in guard shacks along the East German border.

    When people like me hear about people like tampon that get promoted from e1 to e8-9 simply for showing up to the local block party we really sizzle around the edges. We never considered those assholes “soldiers” because they weren’t. They didn’t walk the walk. Fuk him ded.

    1. I remember hearing about “Wildchicken”, and it was nothing good. Nobody wanted to be stationed there, that I can recall.

  6. What pisses me off about Tampon is that not only does he lie about his rank but he lies about his service like he was infantry going out on patrol every day when he NEVER even deployed (and Italy is no deployment, it’s a vacation).

    He should just say (like JD Vance who was in the Marine Corps in Public Relations) that he served his country and state in the National Guard.

    Those two are dyed in the wool marxists and are big on “do as I say not as I do”.
    I too have issues with Orangeman but he’s not a marxist and will do a vastly better job than kneepads and tampon.

  7. The real unanswered question at the dnc gathering is did bill get to compare kneepads’ technique with Monicas’?
    And Jonnys’ got the right of it promotion-wise . I started as an E-4(prior service) and in my time in the FLARNG(that’s what it was called back then) every time I got promoted my section assignment(it was an Bn admin company supporting a Bde) changed. On my way up I ended up being the NCOIC of every section in the company except one. Took me a while to figure out I was being “groomed” for the upper echelon of the Bn. FLNG retirement was pretty good. With the equivalent of 20 years all up time, you’d end up with roughly half the pension at rank of a retired full time soldier.

  8. Tampon must have been one of the doggie mask wearing types to have climbed in rank with so little time in. Probably was such a good sub that made his doms happy. Don’t ask don’t tell ruined the military, I think.

  9. Maxi Kotex Timmah=CCP
    Prince and Fran Tarkenton (U of Georgia) are the only useful things to come out of Minnesota and even that is debatable.
    Someone stole muh email, Doh!
    Well, they didn’t get this one.
    Slap a pizza piece down for the animal.

  10. If you want to get really fancy and like cheese you can roll up a cheese stick whole or quartered to make your own stuffed crust when you bake your pizza. Really got to get a good seal and manage the bake though otherwise it expands and scrubbing that out of the oven isn’t fun but man it the risk worth the reward when you get it down.

    Some chorizo meatballs (with as much grease drained off as possible) sliced in half or quartered, good spicy italian peppers, and red onions are another delicious treat I’m willing to risk my no-longer-iron stomach on.

      1. Couple things:

        1.). What do you mean “if?”
        They blatantly stole the election last time. Jack shit has been done to keep it from happening again, so why wouldn’t they? Maybe Trumpenstein gets into office, so what? The administrative branch will just do what they did last time and ignore/delay/actively work against whatever his plan is this time.
        2.) We’ve seen, for the last four years, that there can literally be no one in the President’s seat, and the government continues to “function” just fine. The President is literally, sadly, just a figurehead.

    1. Troy, I hope you take this as it is intended… no one cares. As an f.y.i. – Trump has always backed “legal” – obeying the immigration laws – fuckers entering the country, that hasn’t changed. I suggest no t.v. and very limited innernutz trolling; as we busily prepare for the gunfight we’re fixin’ to be in.
      I get not voting, and not voting for Trump. But immigration – while a big issue – ain’t all this (s)election is about. During the time you ain’t voting for Trump; you best pray like fuck that Kumswalla doesn’t win.

  11. You are correct in your assessment that Italy is a layout. I did a 3 week annual training in I think 1995 or 1996 at Camp Darby in Livorno and it was a freaking vacation. 8 hour work days and just about all of that was shaded unlike that hell hole we call a state headquarters base we did a lot of AT’s at. The class 6 sold a case of Heineken bottles for $11 and some change. There was a clothing optional (not sure there’s any other kind there) beach that was about a 20 minute bus ride from base. We were VERY rank heavy on that trip. We took 2 platoon sized elements from my company and of course the Battalion command along with a bunch of battalion staff level numb nuts came along for the trip.

    As far as Tampon Timmy. I don’t know how Minnesota operates but in my 16 years I saw VERY few people frocked. There was usually some extenuating circumstances if that was the case. He was definitely connected.

    Over the course of a 3 year period I was an E-6 in an E-7 position. First I was recruited by the battalion headquarters company commander for the training NCOIC in the S3 shop. I could only stand that for about a year. Luckily the new Company commander and 1SG in my home unit recruited me back for the platoon sergeant of my old platoon. I stayed in that position for a year and a half before I stepped down from that. The new commander was a female. Well she liked people who could do PowerPoint presentations and excel spreadsheets. I lead troops, I’m not an office boy. Plus her being a female she kinda recruited me partially for an ulterior motive but that’s another long story for another time.

    When I stepped down from that platoon sergeant position I turned the reigns over to someone who had enlisted at the same time I did. We went through basic training at the same time in different battalions but we were friends and still are. There was an annual training coming up in Germany which I had a spot reserved for. I was also close to ETS. My guys wanted me to go but I knew they needed that time with their new platoon sergeant.

    This is the reason I can’t stand Tampon Timmy. About 3 months after I went inactive my unit got called up for Afghanistan. Well my phone started blowing up. Everyone from the 1Sg, to the Commander, to the lowest E-2 in my platoon. Keep in mind the platoon sergeant that replaced me had moved to another platoon but the personnel in my platoon had pretty much stayed intact. I had been these guys platoon daddy for almost two years. I did the only thing that I knew was right. I had a daughter that was 2 years old at the time and I had been married 6 years. That was not a fun conversation with my wife. I walked into my unit, signed a 2 year extension , and was in Afghanistan in less than 3 weeks on the advanced party. The rest of my unit didn’t get there until almost 3 months later.

    Do I regret anything? Fuck no! And FUCK Tampon Timmy punk ass bitch.

      1. I guess what I left out was I was never “frocked” never wanted to be. I do not represent myself to be a sergeant first class and never will..

        I never went to ANOC although I completed both classes of Bnoc. There was always a project that they wanted me to be in charge of.they always had an ANOC class to go too but I had to do a miracle project first.

        I was an engineer byw

        1. LOL I was a Lance Corporal with a pizza box of shame. One of the reasons they put me in mortars. Almost the lowest you can get. But I still had my job and I showed up for it. Now I’m old and retired and all fucked up from those days. But I don’t regret them. Well, maybe I regret the nasal fractures. It would be nice to breathe like a normal person. Kind of wish that I had been less of an asshole.

          1. You realize that there is absolutely zero shame in getting VA assistance, right?

            If you think that, change it.

            My uncle (Vietnam vet) showed me the way.

            If you are reluctant I will share my info through BC

  12. https://tinyurl.com/4p8hwjjh Ex-intelligence officials were actively being paid by the CIA on a contract basis when they signed the letter that falsely claimed Hunter Biden’s laptop was ‘Russian disinformation’.

    Yeah, so…. ? Another ‘strongly worded letter’?

  13. Cold, I use the VA for things like hearing aides and a C PAP. A set of crutches for when my right leg goes wonky. Currently don’t need them for scripts or doctor visits since I am on the wife’s insurance. Right hip, knees, feet and lower back are all messed up. Deaf in my left ear and constant tinnitus in the right. After 32 years in healthcare as an ICU nurse doing surgery is not something I contemplate. I know that it is a percentage but I have seen all the fuckups that can happen. I’ll eat my pain instead. With all that said, I really don’t complain much. Have wonderful kids, grandkids and great grandkids. A good woman at my side who puts up with me and I may be moving slow but at least I’m still moving.

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