NGL…
This’s been a stone bitch of a “holiday”
Too much to process.
Too many things found out…
about Others…
about Myself…
Everyone hits a point in their life when it becomes… life itself that is… becomes just -there-.
Yeah…
I’m still swinging…
Delving deep into this was not good for me to a point. Darkness overwhelming… really down. Still down. But I’m getting better…
I hope.
I appreciate all the thoughts and apologize to have set off so many alarms and worries. Sapper’s got my back per usual… he’s been making sure I’m still here, God Bless him. Took me out to go shoot up the woodline the other day. Pulling a trigger helped a lot…
The fact I didn’t eat my piece means I’ll be around for a while… just needed some time to try and reset my “timing and headspace” on my own terms and try and find some peace.
Sure wish I was back in Nawlins to go to that Cathedral again…
Might have to plan that ‘cos the churches here are for shit.
So thanks again for standing by.
More Later
Big Country
Good. You got some recoil therapy, always good for the soul.
Don’t go into a shell. We care and love you (no homo). Talk it out bro, your run isn’t done yet.
God bless you BC.
Shooter
Sorry to hear you’re down. You have more friends than you know. Some of us lurkers enjoy the stuff you write. We would miss you. Will pray😎🇺🇸
Good to see your still kickin, been a rough holiday season here too just gotta drive on sometimes.
you’re
It is not just that I missed your insights and warped humor, Ha, I missed your ramblings about your LIFE. Since I am pushing 80, I have seen/been the recipient of numerous betrayals and hard times. I know it is easier said than done, but don’t go down the rabbit hole of depression. I have one son that’s been fighting that for over 20 years. We were scared to death of any phone calls from him for years. BUT, he is slowly getting better, has three beautiful kids & wife now.
What I am inadequately trying to say is: DON’T GIVE UP, THINGS CHANGE, AND USUALLY FROM THE MOST UNEXPECTED PLACES.
I wish you peace, good health and a long life.
Praying for you brother. Do what makes you sane. Beware the holes you know aren’t good to dive into. Standing with you.
Prayers up for you. A little turmeric helps with the mental health. A pastor, a doctor, a friend to talk to also helps.
Recoil therapy usually does it for me.
Failing that, some campfire therapy (in hunting camp) with male friends and/or family members. What is said around the campfire, disappears with the campfire. Them’s the rules.
You got this! See ya on the flipside!!
Mongo,
Take care of yourself!
I agree that recoil therapy is great.
Yea…that vid kinda speaks.
But broken doesn’t mean worthless.
With a house full of people, I ended up eating Christmas dinner cold and by myself.
Didn’t give a fuck.
Been there bro
and it is because of shit like this that made me go off into the hills. life is a lot simpler and quiet here.
no cell phone , only a land line. and very few people have the number. so, no more drama calls for help and other dumb shit.
many years ago, my Grandmother told me if I wanted to talk to GOD, take a walk in the woods, find a nice spot and sit down and talk to him. there nothing manmade there. just you and GOD.
and even now, 60 years or more later, it still makes sense to me. funny part is that I have found others that feel the same way around here. you might want to go see Miss Daisy again here soon. you sounded better while you where there. just saying.
Truth. The Mrs and I have a favorite spot up amongst some ancient Redwoods for just such occasions. When we say “we need to go to Church”, it is this path we speak of. Never feel closer to God than in that space.
Sympathies, BCE. Been there, done that, a couple times.
Just keep puttin’ one foot in front of the other and don’t let the bastards win.
For me, the holiday season always puts a spotlight on everything that’s fake and gay, especially Re: the folks in my orbit.
This came across my feed before Xmas and hit home: Why Deep Thinkers Feel the Most Alone During the Holidays
https://youtu.be/7uKSxwW7nwc
Thank God for Jesus (reason for the season), and booze (to get me through when faith falls short)…
Maybe check out your local Orthodox Churches if you’re craving conservative/trad catholicism, or maybe see if any monasteries are w/in driving distance with rooms for rent…
Literal demons are real and weakest on sacred ground — and the Lord’s Prayer is a thousand pound hammer.
Heck, sometimes even just parking your car in a church or chapel parking lot for prayer and reflection is helpful if the sanctuary is closed…
The US’s increasing low trust society now has most locking doors outside set hours unfortunately.
Good luck, and God Bless! And remember that many on the interwebs have you in our prayers.
No shit. Christmas rolls around and I just want to go camp out in the back of my truck and shoot or ski and forget everything, and fuck everyone else. Even I had a rough time this Christmas. Everything’s changed, everyone’s changed, Hell’s bells…I have changed. There’s no place for me in any of it. They’ve fucked everything up, (including themselves), they blame me for all of it and expect me to fix it. I can’t fix what I can’t control. They scream that I am not a good father, son or brother. My only self defence is silence. My only weapon is absence.
I stopped showing up. I retired early. I found hobbies. My dawg thinks I’m a good shit. Somehow my marriage survived and even improved – don’t ask me how that happened. It’s not enough but it will have to do.
Little things, Tiny. Start a diet, start hiking, whatever it is – find something small you can improve. Find something fun and FORCE yourself to do it at least a couple times a week. Keep your dawgs close and lean on your friends. Get serious about finding a good church. And stop feeling guilty. It’s time for you to stop showing up and worrying about others. You need to look after YOU. They’ll be fine once they find out where your new boundaries are and how to cope with them.
You’ll be fine too. Be patient and give it time.
2x on the Orthodox churches – generally they are not converged/western-libetalized as most protestant denominations or even Catholics at this point.
In PA we have a lot of Mennonite churches which are good as well.
I grew up Presbyterian and left the church once they had some interpretive dance nonsense and started recognizing “churchian” types in it. Most churches are similarly corrupted. The evangelicals are more of a church show with a side of simping for Israel that is off putting.
When we do go it is to an Armenian Church in Philly. It feels like church with reverence for God.
2025 has been shit, 26 will be better. Don’t let the demons win.
Embrace the suck and get the fuck back on the horse. You know what to do, Big Guy!
Church sounds like a good idea. You decide to go back to New Orleans. Give me a holler. I’ll meet you there. Was it St. Louis Cathedral you went to? By Jackson Square?
Roger that! Most excellent place to visit
My cousin got married there. Beautiful place.
Glad you had a good confession with the priest there. Good for the soul to those of us who carry extra baggage.
I’m going through OCIA right now. I get baptized next year. Thank God my sins prior to this will be forgiven. I really can’t remember all, nor want to confess that stuff.
Anyway give me a shout ahead of time. We will go chill at Pat O’s or the cats meow.
Plenty of people have your back if needed. New Orleans ain’t the only place to find God. I usually find Him in the strangest of places–on a motorcycle, in a deer stand–He gets around quite a bit.
Hang in there, Tiny. You’ve been worse off and made it out before.
At times we all tire of this plain of existence,then,something good always comes along and puts a smile on our face….,hang in there,we have all been there at one point or another,another smile is coming.
Brother; it will all be well, and tomorrow is just be another day in the battle. I will give a prayer for you to hold fast.
-rightwingterrorist
Just finished reading two books by Appalachian Trail thru-hikers. Both set off from “careers” to find their own path to peace within.
Perhaps a woody mountain trail is calling for you.
Regardless, stay strong. One step after another.
Yeah, that video says it perfectly for a lot of us. Fuck all those vampires who tried to suck us dry. The corporations that demand 110% and then kick us to the curb if we slip below 100. The one sided relationships we gave too much time and effort to. The people who only showed a false face when they needed something from us and a different one when we needed them. Take care of yourself, look out for #1, it’s my time now, is the new paradigm. Give back only to those that are giving to you or those that have proven friendship. That’s my New Years Resolution. Rest up and heal bro, you’ve got more backing spiritual and otherwise than you know.
We are all broken.
And when the white man is but a memory this world will crumble as the remaining ones can’t maintain what we built.
I am starting to feel a lot of us have been there,while comforting in a way tis also sad…..,yet,we are still here.
It is. But that is the reality of the modern man. Whether married, divorced, or perpetually single, the problems women have caused society weigh on all of us both individually and collectively. And then we have a shit-tier government catering to their demands, that has effectively hamstrung our ability as men to engage in “problem solving”, unless we want to end up in prison, or dead for our efforts at remediating societies ills.
So we keep our heads down, work our asses off, and carry the load. All while an endless stream of fucking ingrates (who couldn’t exist without us) continue to belittle, berate, and steal from us on all sides. It’s bullshit. I didn’t expect life to be easy, but despite all the comforts of modernity, never have we as men been more maligned and undercut by our own country and women. There is much justification for us to dig down into a dark place, given the forces aligned against us. I’m not saying we give up, just that it is entirely understandable for us to be in a decidedly unpleasant state of mind, and explains why so many of us clearly have been, are, or will be. One has to be smoking some real good shit to remain an eternal optimist in this environment.
You were missed, and asked after by a lot of people. You’ve got a huge support group that has faith in you.
^^^^^— THIS, x1000.
FWIW – I’ll be praying for you a bit more often than in the past, and will say a Rosary or two for you during my next hour at the Adoration Chapel at my Parish. It’s a chapel that is manned 24×7 (except for the time between Good Friday service and Easter Sunday), and my hour is 2am to 3am on Wednesday mornings. Been doing it for nearly 26 years now and only time I’ve missed was a few years back when I was in the hospital. For me, time alone with the Lord is southing to my soul and I wouldn’t give it up, even if I wasn’t allowed to go to regular Mass anymore. It’s literally become a vital part of me – it’s my place to explicitly connect with God on the regular, w/o anything in the way.
I’ll admit it’s not for everyone, and I respect those that find their maker while communing with nature. Each to their own way.
It’s not your ‘gut’ telling to get back to a Cathedral. It’s the Holy Spirit. I’m a lifelong Christian and have perused all manner of Christianity. My conclusion: Orthodox is the answer. It could be Roman Catholic/Eastern/Russian/Greek. Protestant’s certainly also have The Truth. But it is shallow waters compared to the others. Prayers going out for you.
Hang in there BC, I know shit can get dark, especially around the holidays. It’s even tougher to be estranged from family this time of year. Winter and short daylight can also fuck with the mindset, up here in the Midwest winter cold and darkness I find it a hard slog to get through winter without getting a bit “down”.
The current state of the world in general does nothing to help improve the spirits, either. But I keep going, because what else is there to do? I won’t give my enemies the satisfaction of seeing me go out prematurely, so fuck that noise. I’m sticking around and being a pain in the ass as long as possible. I hope you can find some relief, whether it’s time at the range, or in a church.
Thanks BRD. You just saved me a lot of words.
Shooter
BCE,
I’m glad you are here. I’m not a therapist or appropriately credentialled care provider. What I can tell you is this:
1) Alcohol is NOT your friend, especially when you are hurting. It is a terrible way to go, have lost relatives and friends to it. Many of us have, many such cases.
2) It is not the recoil therapy, in my estimation and experience. It is the being with friends and doing things together that bring joy or satisfaction. If that is recoil therapy, so be it.
A wise man once asked me to read a book, it was “Man’s Search for Meaning” by Viktor Frankl. Go beyond his circumstance of surviving a Nazi Death Camp and grok that a man who has a why can bear any how.
Keep up the good work, you are doing a better job than you think you are.
I second that – Frankl’s book should be required reading for anyone that thinks.
(And yes, I know that unfortunately leaves out a disturbingly large part of our society).
:-/
The demons will tell you all kinds of shit.
THEY’RE FILTHY LIARS.
Praying for you, Big.
‘Bout time you reported back for duty; was wondering if you’d been busy® with some BoatBabe you souvenir’ed off that last cruise…we kan haz pikchas for academic purrpoises? Good to have the one and only BigCrunchyEggsplat™ back again!
Ecclesiastes 3:1-14
[1] To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
[2] A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
[3] A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
[4] A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
[5] A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
[6] A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
[7] A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
[8] A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace. [9] What profit hath he that worketh in that wherein he laboureth?
[10] I have seen the travail, which God hath given to the sons of men to be exercised in it.
[11] He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.
[12] I know that there is no good in them, but for a man to rejoice, and to do good in his life.
[13] And also that every man should eat and drink, and enjoy the good of all his labour, it is the gift of God.
[14] I know that, whatsoever God doeth, it shall be for ever: nothing can be put to it, nor any thing taken from it: and God doeth it, that men should fear before him.
Darkness? What do y’all know about darkness? tfA-t went thru a very dark period for many years.. FUCK them cunts. They need to be in chains and beaten whenever they get out of line. If it weren’t for the popo, courts, and prisons, them bitches would fear men more than death.
That said I have a 20 year old tiny little blondie who adores me and wants to make my babies to hook me and rescue her from a life of misery, poverty, and go-nowhere losers…………………. like I said- FUCKING CUNTS
glad to hear you’re back bro
now get your head right and carry on
Rakkasan Bro!
I speak for many of your mostly-silent lurkers. We’re glad to see you return unscathed.
As Tom says “We’re here and glad to have you back!” Concur with what most here have expressed and with how you are feeling personally.
BCE you have created a community here and people were worried about you because they care about you.
When you get depressed remember that, it helps.
Regarding going down deep holes and finding out the TRUTH about people, while it hurts knowing the truth (sometimes it hurts badly) in the end it will set you FREE. Once you know the truth about someone or what they did and why, you really understand them and they no longer hold any power over you and it will be almost impossible for them to manipulate you anymore.
Finally we all know hindsight is 20/20 and after a relationship ends we start with kicking our own asses.
“I shoulda known” it always begins. Just think back to what you knew AT THAT TIME and did you make the best decision you could then ?
You probably did, so don’t kick your own ass because you were not psychic or trusted someone who claimed that they loved you.
Fuckit it’s a new year tomorrow so kick the dust of 2025 off your feet and go into 2026 boldly and to Hell with any asshole who lied to you or did you dirty !!
hey BCE, hang in there, a lot of people you don’t even know (yet) care very much about you
Glad you’re still with us man! Serious case of the “aww shit now what’s ” when you went dark. Don’t know what you’re going through specifically, but I know horror pit fubar when I see it, and have experienced it personally. Lost my job, marriage, and almost my life in less than 12 hours. (Worst damn day of my entire life) I hung on even though at the time I seriously considered walking out into the nowhere forever. Made it. Read the good Book, story of Job, and some of the things the prophets went through. Other commenters are right, spending time with God at a true Christian church might help. Either way, meself and the wifely one are praying for you. Can’t do much to help seeing as we’re up here in the commie slave state of Oregon, but if there is anything? Just ask. God bless, -G
Glad you’re back. Thank you for keeping Mike and Art apprised of your circumstances. Otherwise I start sending emails.
If you ever get back to Nawlins, check out the old Nunnery in the French Quarter. Cool place, they had a display of WWII era Priest’s equipment and a chapterhouse of the Order of Lazarus. And… a really stunningly beautiful church that’s not used much that’s a great place to sit and contemplate one’s existence and how beautiful the church is.
I’ve made my wife cry when I described all the crap on my shoulders. No, never thought about rolling over, shooting her, the dog and then myself, no….
Your time has not come. Stay, enjoy a fishing trip or two. Learn to (ugh) garden or something like that. Hell, find some real organization and get involved in helping or something. Maybe become that retail gunsmith you’ve always wanted to be.
I was very relieved to see signs of life after checking your X account these last few days.
Church – no matter which tree stump you choose is good, though there is something deeply satisfying to sit in a place beautifully built for the glory of God.
Even in the deep hole, talking to the big guy yields some solace.
I’m glad Sapper is there for you. Probably more than a few of us have “So who checked on you today? Exactly, so fuck ‘em” as a survival mantra.
I can relate to your video, having been the one who keeps it together when everyone else is losing their shit. It’s a reflex. I just deal. And I don’t talk much.
Welcome back, everyone needs a downtime reset period once in a while.
Glad you are still kicking. Seems like the wheels are spinning freely of late. Get some traction and keep on keeping on.
Billy, you don’t need to “go” anywhere. God is right there with you… the Holy Spirit is next to you. “Behold. I stand at the door and knock…” seems lots of prayer is going up for you, you’re perhaps more blessed than you know. Be thankful in the storm, He’s always with you. May God bless you and keep you. Merry Christmas and FIDO into the new year
Well said.
Blessings into the new year, brother
Hey, you’re still breathing. Always a positive. I have experience with where you are, and it’s uniquely personal. However, throughout my tribulations, I’ve always found two things to be true…
If you find yourself going through hell, just keep going.
Don’t sweat the petty, and don’t pet the sweaty.
Everyday is a holiday! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no! We love you out here, man. Carry on…
In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.
St. Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle.
Be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the Devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray, and do this, O Prince of the heavenly hosts, by the power of God, thrust into hell Satan and all the evil spirits, who prowl about the world, seeking the ruin of souls.
Amen
Hang in there, Big Guy, from Orstralia
Dude remember this…the most fucked up, dire situations you’ve EVER been in have been survived by you being you.
Do not ever forget that!
Keep your wits about you and it ain’t no big thing getting down a bit during the silly season, (holidays).
You just split the sheets with a soon to be ex and then Thanksgiving, Christmas and the coming New Year roll up. Give some slack to yourself.
If a church does it, great! If a peaceful mountain top does it, even better! (IMNSHO)
We are here pulling for you no matter what bullshit gets flung your way.
Billy!!!,
Sorry ta’ here the “down side.”… You have gone thru lot worse!! That has something to say about your current situation!!! Meanwhile, back at the ranch,,, getting it together.. YOU mentioned ol’ “St. Louis Cathedral in New Orleans” and it has a “DRAW” on yer’ mind!!! Nice place… I was born n N.O. a long time ago … ‘am currently living just North of the Lake where the I-12 and I-55 cross…. if you get to “The Bg Easy” I can be where you are within an hour!!! Would love to be yer’ “Tour Guide” … that in jest.. but would love to meet up and run around New Orleans and maybe show ya’ a coupe of cool places not on the “Tour Maps!!!!!!!” Besides myself.. there are a few other “.mil” friends who would love to get together and carry on….. We are all “Brother’s….. and when we get together and just ‘Hang Out” it seems to draw down the Grief… it sure helps….
Seriously … if you plan on coming back to N. O.”’The Big Easy”””” Please let me know… would love to get together and just….. “Unwind!!!!”
“Audentes, Fortuna, Iuvat.”
“Fortune Favor’s the Bold!!!,”
Caught the above comment from my old friend Mike Vanderboegh,
III%,
skybill
ps I have yer posted email addy on a note pad…I wil be in touch!!!!
skybill
PS if yer’ just “cruisin’ the net” go to “www.airtrash.com” cruise the site. I am the head honcho of “DIXIE TRASH!!!!!!”
PPS check out the “History of Air Trash” note on the left side bar!!! I wrote several of those posts!!!
I have started my day on a positive note.
I was happy to see your blog this morning.
I look every day and enjoy and appreciate your perspectives. So many of us have similar stories. But it helps to realize each of our us are unique.
I know that my God has kept me alive for 71yrs in spite of my many foolishnesses This is true for you as well.
Your many readers and comments show that many of them are on the same page.
Glad you’re back!
Paul J
BCE,
Long time lurker. You’ve heard most of theses before…all stolen or ruined by me. Use as you see fit.
GUNNER’S RULES TO LIVE BY
“THE ONLY THING I GOTTA COMPLAIN ABOUT IS THAT I GOT NOTHING TO COMPLAIN ABOUT”
1) Be brutally honest; leave no room for doubt or escape.
2) If it’s bolted down, paint it; if stands still, clean it; if it moves, salute it.
3) Return it from whence it came.
4) Gear adrift goes over the side at zero dark thirty.
5) Accept blame readily, it will always be yours to own.
6) Can’t fix it until it’s broke.
7) Self change is more difficult than world change.
8) Never confuse activity with accomplishment.
9) It is easier to beg for forgiveness than ask permission.
10) Clean or perish.
11) You are responsible for everything within your reach.
12) You have nothing to complain about.
13) Dogs know true character, men seek it.
14) Relish the task.
15) Know your position in life so others may know their place.
16) Never throw the first punch or insult.
17) If it’s OFF LIMITS, it’s probably fun.
18) Never touch another man’s tools, hat, guns or girl.
19) When in doubt, ASK!
20) If it’s Cuban, smoke it!
21) Boundaries are vital.
22) Violence is common to all life.
23) When the truth dies, lies live forever.
24) Don’t live on borrowed money or borrowed time.
25) If I ask “What time is it?” don’t tell me how to build a clock.
26) Proceed until apprehended.
27) Encourage others but motivate you.
28) Life is a continuous multiple choice exam…keep guessing at the answers until the clock runs out.
29) Managers mange things, leaders lead people.
30) Johari Window Panes: Open; Blind; Hidden; Unknown.
31) Stronger at the broken places.
32) Learn what you live…live what you learn.
33) Throwing the ball with the dog solves everything.
34) Gravity is not your friend.
35) Always never say never or always.
36) Never condemn, criticize, or complain.
37) Commend in public and counsel in private.
38) Trust lost is seldom found.
39) Love often; love deeply once.
40) Have goals but make a bucket list.
41) If you want a friend in Washington, DC… buy a dog.
42) When the elephants waltz, get off the dance floor.
43) Be one with the task.
44) Go ugly early.
45) Bloom where you are planted.
46) When all else fails, follow the instructions.
47)
Bless you Brother. Hang in there.
Always a place for you here to decompress. It’s not so nice now that Watts Bar is drained down, but all the same, the woods are quiet, the steel rings in the cold.
When the old lady surprise filed on me, I went through a dark, dark time. I was dismayed at the number of friends I thought I had vanished. Other than my brothers and one sister, I had maybe two dudes that made sure I wasn’t going to eat my gun. I started going to AA. After one meeting, I was talking to a guy and started winding back up. He said “Look, we’ve all been through what your going through. Give one of us a call” Just like that Jelly Roll song “Winning Streak”
There are people in your life that care. Even us readers. I’ll bet many, if not most have been through some shit. Holidays are still tough for me and this one was one of the worst. I learned a bunch this season as well. Reach out. Find a Church. There has to be a decent one around. Look for one that has a latin rite mass. You won’t see any rainbows flying in that one.
These things are transient. Work on your mind and body. Get fit. Exercise helps. When you get to the other side of all this you’ll be in a good spot. Worked for me, anyhow.
When I was in the midst of the shit, I was having issues regulating my blood pressure. I’d get spun up and my BP would redline. A few months later, it was low and stable. The doctor asked what I did to get it down. I told him I learned not to give a shit.
Keep the faith. These things have a way of working out.
L’Chaim !
Man, I felt every bit of that. Rally and push on, brother.
If you get real desperate, check out an Eastern Orthodox church. Beauty and peace. Choose a Russian variant, the Greeks are a little too Greek and no so much Ortho. There’s ortho bros online too. Worth a look. Thank me later – TJ
Happy New Year Comrade!
Take care of yourself.
Hope things are going better now.
But to tell the truth you just broke my heart. Since you disappeared on the same day as the Trump folks talking about hiring Privateers with a letter of marque for ops in the Caribbean, I was sure you were down at the harbor scoping out boats for sale that could mount a Ma Deuce or Russian Dushka 12.7 on the bow. Then you would be back to hire your hearty crews of old vet malcontents looking for booty ( Both Gold and ladies) and glory. I even sharpened up my old saber, dammit…
Best wishes, bro
Count your blessings. Focus on the positives. Don’t allow others to control your emotions.
For the love of God BC, don’t watch any broadcast TV. The poor starving rusky joo commercials are getting me down too. Thank the Lord I’m gone 2morrow to Athens and my computer. AARP commercials annoy me too but have some nifty discounts for travelers, you might look into it even tho they are commies.
Shooter
I cannot endorsed the point of avoiding TV enough. I haven’t had my TV at home on in over 6 years now. Thus, I have avoided 6 years of local/network news, advertising, and woke, shit tier programming. The only reason I know how bad it really is, is because of exposure to it in businesses (restaurants, mostly) or in the homes of others, where a TV is on. All I can say is that my reaction to it is visceral repulsion and disgust. You can’t “not” notice how totally shitty and compromised it all is; the ads especially.
If I was feeding my brain a steady stream of that garbage. I’d be way further down into the darkness than I have been, even at my lowest points in the last couple of years. It really is a mindfuck just to be near it, to see and hear what comes out of that damned screen. Maybe it’s just particularly offensive to me, but I suggest doing yourself a favor and don’t let it work it’s way into your head.
Hey BC, glad your back. Hope better times come your way soon.
I noticed that the guys over at https://www.youwillshootyoureyeout.com/part-two-about-not-making-a-flamethrower-from-big-country-expat/ recently reposted your Flammenwerfer build.
Good stuff.
Can’t stop the signal
Traipsing through the sandbox, now there’s sand inside my socks. Climbing through the rockpile, guess I’ll carry these rocks a while. Come on home, except its gone. Kids are missing, all’s quiet at dawn. Half my soul just left my eyes, civs avert from sound of cries. Get back up, go back to work. Hard to carry all this dirt. Hear a sound ring through the air, Church bells in yon steeple there. Walk on in, sit a spell. Talk to Father ’bout personal hell. Read, and pray and learn to share. Learn to leave the burden there. Feel the weight peel off and out, free to jump right up and shout! The scars are real, but so is the peace. His blood and scars are stronger than sins foul grease. Life’s not so hard to endure with God, though living with grace is often odd. A new life is something strange it’s true, thanks to Him to who makes all things new.
Remember we’re not in this alone BCE. You’re stuck with us, and we’re blessed with you.
Put on the full armor of God. Whenever I wake up in the night I pray for His protection and for discernment in my daily life. I thank Him for what He provides – even the armory to defend our home.
Keep the faith.
I knew you were having a rough time, I also knew you would.prevail it’s presence. Never forget, you have gained a clan. We are here brother.
And we are not going anywhere without you!
Still sending prayers. That wont stop.
Tom762
Can’t really add to all that’s been said, except to say never ever give up. The night is darkest just before dawn. God bless and keep you.
Old Navy guy in Jacksonville
Illegitimi non carborundum….glad you’re still on this side of the grass dude.
BC I appreciate you, the holidays are hard especially for older men, in EMS we see more suicides this time of year. Just keep in mind, you can give the holiday whatever meaning you want including no meaning. They chose this day as Christmas arbitrarily and nobody knows when Jesus was actually born.
Expectations get stupid this time of year and the stress makes people behave badly. But it is foolish to think that things would be magically different just because of an arbitrary designation of a day.Add to that that it’s the point of the year where the sun is at its least and there’s not much light and you get seasonal depression also. If you know that this is the ground reality, you can brace yourself for the holidays and just get through them.
As far as people being greedy ingrates, it’s a fallen world, there’s no point in history when it was fair except for before the fall.
Much love and I will pray for you