Greetings and Salutations!
Well now… what a craptastic month.
I just realized that July must be a “Bad Moon Rising” for me… it was July 2016 that Marriage Number One detonated. As well now this.
I think that for the future July is going to be me digging into a remote bunker somewhere, deeeeep in the “Hide” so to speak, and not under any circumstances come out until said-month is over.
So, first off, a note to one reader, Pres. Elect Woodman: Your gracious donation did NOT go thru… not sure if it was returned or hijacked, DM me to let me know ok? The DM BTW is bce187th at protonmail, and THAT at least is locked-th-e-fuck down FOR SURE.
Then, MREs… anyone who hasn’t gotten ’em, they’re on the ‘last gasp’ at $76.94 w/ free shipping:
Link HERE or the Pic
(If the pic link works, let me know… I tried something new)
And I’m getting in shape… namely ‘cos I don’t have a choice. She who will not be Named took the car… and I’ve got the choice of walking everywhere OR utilizing my Bike. Sapper’s truck is still out of action three weeks later, so needs-must. So for grocery runs, I’ve been biking quite a bit. I have to do a write up on it… I have it rigged to carry ‘stuff’ in the event of a no-shit EMP or whatever disaster that IF I got to bail-bail, I have at least good old pedal-power. That and getting off my ass has been a good thing.
Now then, in order to keep y’all a wee bit entertained, I’m retelling an oldie but a goodie. I’m not sure if I poasted this before or not? But hey, it’s STILL funny….
Be Me.
23 year old 11H SP4 Mafia Member, newly assigned to the 101st.
Show up at the Repo-Depot at Campbell. In the early 90’s the barracks were –old– WW2/Korean style wooden barracks. BIG open bays like “Full Metal Jacket” old. Got me the option via the usual ‘graft and corruption’ of paying off the right people (two cases of good beer to the person in question) so I could stay at an off-base hotel. That and being promotable, and having been around a while, I wasn’t a ‘risk’ as the NCOIC stated to me… Just as long as I made formations and appointments (I had my own POV, car to you civvies) so it wasn’t going to be an issue. Had no issue paying for the privacy and comfort. Met Sara, a PFC who was –still- at replacement due to a SA Issue (almost 2 months at that point.) Never did find out if it was legit, (probably was as it wasn’t the last time some fuckstick fucked w/her unfortunately, hawt-Army-chick problems as you can imagine…) that being said, back then? I was doing my “White Knight” thing and she and I got to be very close.
Like FWB close.
She loved spending the night(s) away from the 1940s style Barracks (who wouldn’t… what with those ancient assed fucking wood structures with shitty AC from back then, never mind the usual bullshit of CQ/Fireguard and whatnot). I used my Master SP4 Mafia Dark Jedi Skills to get her the ability to leave w/me (moar beer) as her ‘escort’ as the Repo-Depot First Shirt called me…
Personally, I think he was utterly terrified of her as it was the Repo-Depot Supply Sgt. who supposedly did the SA, and Top knew HIS balls were probably on the block if proven to be true… anyways… Many a great night in the hotel… sorry, I digress…
About a week and a half after -I- got there to the RD, I got orders to 3RD BDE, the 187th (insert obligatory RAKKASAN!!!! here… for those of you who know will get it.) Anywho.
I ended up in Delta Company (11H TOWs/.50s/MK-19s… ahh the Days of Wine and Roses… How I do miss it.) Delta at the time along with the rest of the BDE had gone to JRTC. Everyone left was on Rear-D.
Fuuuuuuuck.
Commence the suckfest.
Yep… doing ALL the shit the entire company would have normally done, except with about a platoon and a half of the lame/lazy/short timers. Motor Pool detail being prevalent. One major bonus however of being in the “rear with the gear” was no-one knew which Platoon I was going to be assigned to, and ergo, which room/room dawg I’d be assigned to. The Rear D NCOIC made the choice to ‘temporarily’ assign me a senior NCO room in the Barracks. E-6 level room… I (temporarily) had a PRIVATE SHOWER man!!!! (Sara LOVED that). I was told I’d be reassigned depending on what Platoon I was in when the rest of the Company got back. (Go Third Herd!!!)
Mind you I was still meeting up with PFC Sara on the regular. She’d finally gotten assigned to her unit (801st Main Support Batt) So, to get to the point, one fine Tuesday afternoon, I went and picked her up from “work” and she’d wrangled a 90 minute lunch break. Me being one of 3 E-4Ps on Rear D for the Company, I was pretty much free to fuck off most of the day. My immediate Supervisor was a Staff Sgt named Mitch, who’s wife was MAD Preggers and about to pop, so he got a ‘buy’ on JRTC… really nice guy…
So I go get my extremely female PFC and bring her back to my (for the times) Luxurious NCO Boudoir. We both were very into the whole physical aspect of the friendship… so at this point, I asked if we could do a ‘nooner’? She was down with it, however, I wanted to satisfy a minor kink. I wanted her to keep the majority of her uniform on…
What can I say? A chick in uniform, especially a ‘fast mover’ like her? O.M.F.G yes please.
Now, one thing about this Barracks Room. The door lock had two parts. The normal ‘lock’ it with the key’ lock (door knob) and a deadbolt. The deadbolt however, was a really weird older model, that instead of locking to the right, it locked to the left. (reversed from the normal, meaning the lever goes right to lock it, left to unlock…) So, in this case, the lock-lock on the door knob was broken (“we have a work order in for it”… typical AF for back then) and the deadbolt? Well PFC Sara, unbeknownst to me (but now knownst to you AND me) and without understanding it, unlocked the deadbolt. I found out AFTER the approaching clusterfuck that she’d -thought- she’d LOCKED it, when in fact, she unlocked it. That or she had her own unsatified voyuer-kink
Here I am, in all my glory… HAWT HAWT HAWT PFC Sara getting freeky-deeky with moi on the bunk. Life at that moment is OH SO Fucking good… I got her ‘over’ so to speak, her BDU jacket open, t-shirt up, dog tags hanging and clinking, and pants/panties around her ankles… a DotMil fantasy come true… when ‘all of a sudden’
**Sonofabitch!!!**
There’s a knock at the door… I paused mid-thrust.
Me: “Who the fuck is there!?!”
The (now unlocked door) opens, and SSGT Mitch walks in without even waiting and starts off with
“Hey BigCountryExpat, hate to interrupt your lunch but I need you to go down to……”
< tapers off, looking at me with growing horror on his face >
Me: “Oh SHIT Duuuude What the fuck!!!! Gimme a second!!!!”
SSGT Mitch: < races back out the door, positively gabbling, apologizing profusely, slams door HARD > Yells thru the Closed Door “Come down to the Motor Pool when your done!” < queue receding running footsteps down the hall >
PFC Sara: “giggles”
Me: <dawning realization > “OH FUCK!!! Get fucking dressed Right Fucking Now… get your shit together, we got to get to the Motor Pool RIGHT. FUCKING. NOW!!!“
PFC Sara: < pouty > “Why? What’s the big deal? You haven’t finished yet!” < coyly sideway look >
Me: “Trust me, Infantry gossip like NOBODIES Biddness!!! He doesn’t realize you’re chick!!!! He thinks I was bangin’ a dude in the ass!!!!“
PFC Sara: (dawning realization on face) Positively EXPLODES: < Queue Paroxysms of HILARIOUS LAUGHTER!!!! >
Me: (Dressing furiously) “Seriously… he couldn’t tell… you’re wearing your hat, your hair (she had GREAT long brown locks BTW) is under the hat, and he couldn’t see your tits ‘cos your ass was in the air while I was doggin’ you!!!! This’s critical!!! I’m the “new guy who’s gonna be called a fag” if you don’t move out!”
Granted, PFC Sara was a -bit- put out… “I’m going to be sooooo embarrassed!!! They’re going to think I’m a slut!!!” I was like “IDGAF about that, this’s deadly important in the Infantry!!!”
B/C she was cool as all get the fuck out, she went with me.
(otherwise I probably would have knocked her out and dragged her with me at that point). Sure as Christ made lil Apples, we get to the motor pool, and ALL of the Rear D are gathered around SSGT Mitch… who’s waving his hands around OBVIOUSLY spinning the tale of ‘walking in on the new guy who’s queer!!!’ They (the gathered troops) see me AND PFC Sara (who TBH at a distance, in the old lettuce suit BDU (woodland, not flattering at all) walking in. I reached out and took her hand, and walked up.
The sigh of relief from everyone was probably audible in Arkansas.
Outside of PFC Sara turning about nineteen different shades of red, it all ended well, and honestly, I got MAD cool points for getting a ‘nooner’ during lunch. Sara and I are still hardcore frens, and I always thought of her as one who might have gotten away… Of course she’d kill me if she reads this, but fuck it, it is funny!!!
So yep.
I talked w/PFC Sara last night and told her the fucked up news. Unfortunately for me, she’s w/a decent dude. Dammit.
My luck holds again amiright?
So hope you enjoyed!
More Later
BCE
His name was Sanchez.
Legit.
Not that it matters now.
Ps. There’s an h. Sarah with an h. Damn it.
And I am still adorable.
But Christ on a cracker.
Do you have any memories of me that are…
PG13?!
Hi Sarah, nice to meet you.
You were a leg and you still go hiking? Putting crazy first in the name seems to fit.
Maaaan believe you me… she’s AWESOME but cray-cray… I should tell the story of when she broke my foot one night in the barracks by dropping a steel drawer on it…
An accident but damn if it didn’t piss off my CoC with me being out of action for a few weeks…
Climbing mountains is fun. 🙂
Try Mount mutherfucker in Camp Pendleton San Diego.
The only place where the name gets longer every time you go up and down it.
“Ican’tbelievethatthesepsycopathsarerunningusbackupthisfuckinghill.”
I was going to join the Marines.
I bet you hear that a lot.
But I didn’t.
So my only experiences in the San Diego area are up in Laguna doing trail maintenance on the PCT.🙂
There’s a Mount Motherfucker in Quantico, too. Let’s not even talk about the red clay mud.
Does Big Country is a mountain of a man. Dude makes firearms look tiny.
I climbed that mountain 30 years ago. 😉
Apparently I made quite an impression…..
How do we know you’re not an imposter?
Oh no dude… that’s her… she’s a long-time lurker… Trust me, she’s been DM’ing me all night and laughing at the comments and giving me shit.
Per usual LOL…
Hey BCE, You told that story a long time ago but it IS a good one.
Imagine if she took off and when you went to Motor T everyone thought you were a homo ?
Plus if that was before “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” you could have gotten kicked out for being queer (even though you aren’t).
I know money is tight but Publix does deliver via Instacart if you need heavy or bulky stuff that won’t work on a bike. Also it’s Summer in Florida ie “The 7th Level of Hell”, so I feel for you biking groceries in 90+ degree heat with 90+ humidity.
Regarding the “divorce”, I know it’s not your 1st rodeo but it sucks now and will until it is over but when over you are a free man and let’s be honest 90% of the drama in your life the last 9 years was because of “she who must not be named” or her family.
Fuck that noise and when done you might get a relationship like my buddy has.
After 2 divorces he’s never getting married but he found a girlfriend who is a widow whose husband died of Covid. She has her own money and house and has no desire to ever get married (it would mess her up financially). So they go on trips, often spend the night at each other’s houses, have space in each other’s closets and spend a bunch of time together. Other times they stay alone at their houses and have peace and quiet and no bullshit. It works for them, just pointing out that you can have a girlfriend and good times as well as having your independence.
RAKKASANS!
LOL i have a story of a pfc sara too. she was a nurse at Blanchfield Army Hospital on base there. we was going at it in my room at the med-hold barracks, and my roomy walked in with his buddies… ha ha
i still have a pic of me on her bed drinking a buttwiper in the can before i gave it her again..
The night before I left for Afghanistan as an individual augmentee, this girl came to the transient barracks with me. We used an empty NCO room off the upstairs open bay.
One-armed 1LT that was there was pissed the next morning that I didn’t share. But hey-no devil’s threesomes, especially not with a cripple!
You have told this one before but I dont care, great story!
back in 1975, D co. 3/187 was across the lot from us . A co. 1/503 in the 3rd BDE.
they had a sign over the door” wolf pack ” , if I remember right.
left there in 77 to go to West Berlin . yeah, a “fun” place to be.
home of OD shiny. pressed and tailored everything. nightlife was great though.
pretty sure Jimi Hendrix was in 503rd ‘the rock”
the 4th or 5th Battalion 187th took their place
Yeah, booted for chronic masturbation as a dodge to keep out of the Nam…
Good to hear a story with laughter in it buddy.
In the pursuit of female company be very careful it’s not a tarbaby wife of… as not to feed your soon to be ex-s lawyers efforts.
Yeah, I’ve seen it happen. Lawyer sent over the slut to get damaging reports.
how did you save our freedumb here again by being in the mil? were you just not employable and had no other options? or you just bought into the BS like all the other drones?
None of the Above
What other job lets you shoot machineguns, grenade launchers, blow shit up, jump out of perfectly good aircraft, kill people and get paid while doing it?
Sounds like someone has DotMil Envy
*sighs in mk19*
Yo M Rodent, you’re the drone, a Gretsch drone?
BC, glad yer back on comms again. We miss and worry about you.
You’re big and tuff, but shit storms, are “Danger! Danger, Will Robinson!”
Thanks to OBummer the days of $500 cars (that work) are over. Obummer phuqued up a lot more than just Cash for Clunkers, but that was a biggie that hit EVERY working Joe and Josephine.
Glad to hear that you’re getting “better”. Getting in shape is always available, but gets priority when “other things” aren’t filling space and time.
I’ll try to educate you, why did Heinlein in Starship Troopers require that citizens HAD to be veterans ?
It was that they had put others and their Nation above themselves and over their personal needs.
Everyone on here knows bitterly how the oligarchs who really run this country and their puppet politicians have lied to them and fucked them over. No one is “herp derp Merica right or wrong” but you are wrong to cheapen their and their buddies sacrifices to this country and all of us.
They joined up for the right reasons, sacrificed mentally and physically and many of them have PTSD over the shit they saw and experienced. For many of them their service cost them friends, families and marriages.
You are rightly pissed that the pieces of shit in office as well as the oligarchs pulling their string lied to them and had them sacrifice so much and in the end we pulled out and it’s “business as usual” and to the service members — “here’s some mediocre VA benefits and don’t let the door hit you in the ass”.
You need to educate yourself and realize that most likely you wouldn’t last a day in boot camp at Paris Island or Fort Benning and if you want to rip on someone, rip on the POS politicians that put them in harms way for BS reasons.
Heinlein’s political philosophy in Starship Troopers was genius.
“Now, one thing about this Barracks Room. The door lock had two parts.” Now THAT was funny.
I got to build one bridge, play with landmines, explosives, fougasse, almost get hit by friendly 105s, and a 30% broken parts bill to show for it.
Glad I was out with BDU patrol caps in formation, those berets are pretty useless.
Nixon had trashed the economy. I needed to eat. (Some of us didn’t have the option of collage or living off of/with our parents)
Plus, it was sorta expected from my WW2 vet father.
I got to do things, see things that I never will again.
Only thing was when I was bonking Asian hookers. An hour later I was horny again.
Who the fuck said anything about ‘saving freedumb’.
Had it occurred to you that the military is a pretty decent job, for the most part? Steady paycheck? Accumulating work experience and life experience? Getting to operate cool weapons and occasionally blowing shit up? Making lifelong, solid friendships?
I’m guessing probably not…you candy ass pogue.
Killed the shit out of some Muj. Probably not a Muh Freedum thing but they absolutely needed dead.
That was a hell of a story, BC. I laughed for real. Your telling of tales (of tails) does have a distinctive style about it, no doubt. Must not have yet discovered your blog yet when you recounted it previously. Sucks about the car thing, but getting in better shape is always a good thing, and it doesn’t come easy, so biking in the Florida summer is a pretty solid workout.
AS JimmyPX said and as I told my youngest son who just spent 2 years going thru his 2nd divorce and Military Medical Retirement, not his choice, mostly due to her BS. But at least the retirement has worked out good. Full Disability Baby:)
Once you get thru this and you will, That’s it!! NO MORE FUCKING Marriages!!! You can do a FWB, the short time or long time Girl Friend or the Old Fiance’ ploy if that keeps her family off your ass. Or go old school and just keep a hooker on retainer, its cheaper. But marriage is done and over, the crazy is too strong now. And you cant afford to give away anymore Houses and Cars.
HI SARAH. BTW you can always give us YOUR side of that story just in case BCE’s version is a little off shall we say:)
The NCO barracks there has had lots of action thru the years. While I was there they caught a SP4 Mafia type, who was watching his PLT Sgt’s room for him while on group leave, doing the Brigade CO’s daughter with video. The video was her idea so not much could be done to him without lots of other things coming out except for the undying hatred and payback of the SGM and 1st Sgt for his whole tour. She knew the barracks better than him…..
BCE, sorry to hear about the shit situation. Been there. You’re tough, you’ll be OK, but it’s going to be fucked up for awhile. I think you’ve done that before…
NATTC Millington, TN had the old WWII wooden barracks back in the ’80s. When I got to NAS Cecil Field, FL, the barracks were from the ’50s–shitty, but not WWII-level bad.
Perhaps you could get a company car until things improve. What does the Army do with their old vehicles?
The power company and other utilities sell off their vehicles in these parts. So do the cops, the bruthas love those old Crown Vics.
Requires money to buy a used fleet car. And the Currently Unfriendly Non-male Teammate stole all of his money.
Yeah. And as has already been kind of pointed out, the used car market is fukt right now, more due to recent inflation than the hangover from cash for clunkers, but still prices are way out of whack. Unless you know someone personally who has a surplus vehicle that they are willing to sell you without raping you on the asking price, it’s a struggle to dll find anything that isn’t a total piece of shit for anything resembling a reasonable price. I’m dealing with this trying to find a decent (but not extravagant) pickup for a work truck right now. Luckily I can do most of my work out of one of my cars, but it’s still a pain in the ass not to have a proper truck.
For months now it’s all 3 year old garage queens wanting $40-55k yet, or project trucks (read: junk) that need an engine or transmission, and are all rotted the hell out body and frame from midwest winters. Barely anything even remotely decent to be found in the under $10k price range, unless I expand my search to more rural locales 3+ hours drive away. And I don’t have time for that shit.
Yeah, she drained the accounts she could, took the car and even hit the Paypal account for the doggo fund.
We haven’t gotten yet to the fucking her shyster lawyer is going to try on BCE without lube.
His best bet is to hang tight, don’t buy any assets she can get her mitts on (they are still legally married and any assets are still technically marital assets) and listen to his lawyer to try and limit the fucking he’s gonna get.
I speak from painful bitter experience that if you are a good honest guy who works for a living and was good to the woman and she bailed because “she’s not happy”, the law is setup to give you a good and hard fucking. I was shocked when my lawyer told me before the hearing “You are going to get fucked and fucked badly but don’t say shit and do exactly as I say and I’ll try to limit the damage”. I then went into a court and the judge was a man hating dyke with hair shorter then mine and boy did I get bent over and screwed.
Luckily for BCE that the house is a pre-marital asset and there are no kids. The bitch might try to take half his 401k but that shit is all negotiable. Let’s all pray for our buddy BCE and if anyone can spare a few bucks, help the brother out until this divorce is final.
Oh, ok….I thought she only stole the dog money. Yeah, I’m just spitballing. Even with bad credit, car dealers are more than happy to sell you a brand new car with jacked-up interest rates. He was making payments on the car after all.
And will probably be screwed by having to continue paying for it too, if the divorce processes typically. On the other hand, maybe he can just stop paying and disclaim a y responsibility since it isn’t titled in his name (or at least the loan wasn’t). Hopefully BC can at least get out from under that ongoing expense.
Also need to ask (if BC sees this) how the sausage princess is doing. Haven’t seen any update since the story of the purloined PayPal funds dropped.
Like Big Ruckus D said, just stop paying for it. Name not on the loan, ain’t his problem!
Yeah, because they get to ride in the front for once.
You got some pretty pink and didn’t have to sign up.
This is the way.
Ok I didn’t see the faggioli twist there and LOLed
BCE,
From what I can tell, it looks like on the 3rd, I dropped a dime into the PP bucket, and then on the 7th, per my plastic CC account, it got withdrawn.
If you didn’t get it, looks like The Grinch did.
Think I could fight it through my plastic CC account? But under what reason that they’d go for?
Oh, forgot to mention, since Election Day 2024, I am no longer President Elect B Woodman.
I was using that as a placeholder name while The Imbecile Pretender BiteMe was in office.
Since PDJT47 was elected, I have dropped “President Elect” and now go by “Toxic Deplorable”
(yay me!)
I’d hit the CC company… let ’em know it didn’t go through, that the recipient didn’t get it.
I’m WAY Sorry that happened bro. Buncha fuckin bullshit man…
Bitch… I swear