Travelog Debrief, Part The First Maybe? Maybe Not?

Greetings and Salutations!
OK folks… back at Ye Olde Casa of Ele Grande Campesino! Safe and relatively sound… leastways tired AF as it was a full day evolution to get back here… Long ride/Traffic/Minor Vehicle issues and the like took what should have been 3-4 hour jaunt into the Floridian Version of The Bataan Death March across the peninsula… like we’re talking almost 9-10 hours and my legs and back are still jacked up.

As you can see, literally “…from Sea to Shining Sea” and all that Jazz… Now this’s probably going to be in two parts as A) I got a later start as I worked late to -try- and make up some of the missed hours for People’s Glorious Tractor Factory… I was supposed to have only one day of LWOP (Leave Without Pay) and use the last 4.5 hours of my remaining VayKay time. And B) I’m still pretty tired… lots of fun (again) power packed into what was supposed to be a three day weekend, which due to unforseen circumstances became a full four day.

<Le Sigh>
Side Note: Ever notice if you miss one day of regular work without pay, the paycheck appears to be lighter by like a full $200+/- than normal… but if you do an extra 10+ hours of Overtime at time-and-a-half, you only seem to make like an additional $50+/-?

Go figure.

So on that note, let’s “Break it down like Barney” with some of the observations I had. Now… I pretty much was up all night worrying about the trip. Pre-Mission jitters is what I call it, as well as a certain amount of anticipation. The only other cruise I was on was with X#1, and ALL of the X-In-Laws and to be fair, it was mostly on MY mental headspace and timing, in that I had just recovered from that nasty near fatal lung infection, and they had discovered the tumor in my lung because of it.

Throw in a healthy dose of PTSD, and ‘other issues’ and said Thanksgiving cruise was doomed from the get-go. SO I had high hopes that this’d be fun.

Now… I got to the Port, and had a pretty quick run-through to get on board. The people were a interesting and eclectic mix with the ‘blend’ appearing to be a 1/3rd of the “Main Tribes of the US of A” if you will, those being Whytte, Blaq, and Hispanic. (with some serious various delineations among the Hispanics that I’ll cover in a bit).

For the most part, everyone was cool, calm and collected, with only ONE noticible group that had everyone’s toofuses on edge… it was a party of 4 Tatonka Whammenz… I.E. The Shaniqua Bridal Brigade… Loud, obnoxious, entitled and truthfully, all four of them looked like 800 pounds of gratuitously gross flab packed in waaaay too tight Spandex and bullshit…

<SHUDDER>
Just the memory makes me want mind-bleach in Liquid 90 Proof strength… It was that bad.

I got the following as I had cleared the Boarding/Customs location:

I will say the folks running the show were pretty damned efficient. They got everyone prepped and ready, locked and loaded and on-board within an hour of my estimated SP time, which was 12:00-13:00. SP being a DotMil term that refers to the location and time where a convoy or unit assembles and begins a movement I.E. “Start Point”

Once on Board, I made my way to my room:

Which was located roughly inside the red circle here:

Without knowing it, I chose wisely in that the red dot with the number 5 in it? That was/is the main onboarding/off-boarding point/door. It meant that due to my room’s proximity to said door, I was one of the first on, and the first off when the whole thing was said and done.

Honestly, I for the most part forgot pix of the room. It was OK… with a King Sized bed, on which the mattress was a wee bit on the harder side than I liked, but the AC was first class and the shower astall, while smol (for me) was still enough for me to get my scrub on in. The only issue, leastway in the bathroom, was the hot water was tepid at best in the shower, while the sink had a lot of the agua caliente rolling… In there of note was the toilet itself, which was somewhat reminiscent of a Jet Aircraft’s shitter. It appeared to be suction-powered or something… I dubbed it the “Turbo-Flush 9000” as I think if I had accidentally flushed whilst perched on it, the suction was so strong it was likely to rip my junk off and suck it down the tubes.

The major negative was only ONE US Standard power outlet on the smol desk area. It did have, strangely enough, another power outlet, however it was a Euro-Style two round-prong round plug type, and I didn’t have an adapter, nor did I know if it was 220 or 110, and wasn’t risking toasting any of my gear.

Once I got settled, I gave myself the nickel tour and rolled up to the 11th floor to the “License to Chill” bar and pool deck:

It was, as you can see, an utterly gorgeous day.

At this point the BOWT started rolling out, and since the sun was not quite yet setting, before dinner I plopped down, and sans sunscreen read my book for a few to initiate “Chill Mode”

I hung out and basted a bit in the sun until about 17:00 and then went to the “Port of Indecision Buffet” which was located one deck below the pool deck. Once I got there, I found it was a choice of pizza, burgers or the ‘flavor of the night’ which in this case Dinner being some Jambalaya and Mac n Cheese with assorted ‘other’ stuff…

Yeah, the food wasn’t great but it was “chow” in the respect that it was aight, plentiful, filling, and available damned near around the clock. I forgot to take the pic before starting to chow down as by that point I was hungry-hungry.

It was exceptionally reminiscent of the food we had in the chow halls in Iraq and Afghanistan. ESPECIALLY the Burger bar on the poop-deck in the 5 o’Clock Somewhere Bar:

I swear to GOD as my witness that these were the same exact burgers we had “back in the day” in the chow hall(s) on Victory and Balad.

Speaking of Church, I did find the Chapel and yes, I did visit on Sunday:

Your basic AF Multi Denominational Church, with an emphasis on 1970’s decor and “All of the Above” Religions. I think the Bishop from N’awlins would have been pleased. No real services held of course, but at least it was a place to go (at least for me) to give thanks and reflect on the wild-assed shytte I’ve been doing as of late Aye?

Shortly after eating, and since I had only had about an hour-and-a half of sleep, I went and got a surprisingly good night’s sleep after dinner. The sleep was sound, but vivid dreams were had that really surprised the Hell out of me… it was like a ‘life in parallel’ so to speak where for a bit, I wasn’t sure which place was the ‘real world’… it wasn’t a problem, not even… just really vivid and… sincere? I’m not sure how to describe it… suffice to say I got some reaklly good ZZZs out of it…

So, after a really good, hard crash out, I made sure that I was up relatively early for the “Full Day At Sea” to take advantage of the ‘stuff’ they had available. The first thing I did was hit the brekkie in the buffet:

My absolute favorite meal of the day on board hands down.

Polish Breakfast Snausages w/Onions, French Toast Stix, Infidel Meetz (ham) and good ole US Army (probably) powdered scrambled eggs. I realize it’s with an Ironic Tone that I say this, but considering how as I went along and discovered that the majority of the guys on board were all either retirees like me, and/or quite a few active duty guys who spanned ALL branches, the chow was great (leastways to us Grunts).

The chow also brought back some fond memories, leastways in the case of breakfast, which when I was active duty in the Army AND as well as being a Contractor, the brekkies were the tits man…

After breakfast, I then scooted back up to the “License to Chill” bar and pool deck, and well… I tried to be early and get to the Hot Tub as Ye Olde Spine was in pretty rough shape still, and there I found my first… hmmmn… “Diversity Checkpoint” so to speak?

Mudshark and Groid Soup anyone?

EUUUW! EUUUW! EUUUW! EUUUW!

So much for THAT amenity amiright?
Those two tubs stayed that way the entirety of the trip mind you. Meaning positively PACK with ‘floaters’ so to speak… Needless to say, I had ZERO Interest in soaking myself in any potential ‘stuff’ that could have been passed on in such a hot-temp breeding ground for the HerpaGhonnaSyphiliAids that any one of them weirdos were possibly carrying…

Thanks/No Fucking Thanks Aye?

Sticking my dick in an open, pus-filled Festering Wound held more appeal TBH… I know… gross but y’all didn’t smell the scene… and yes… ‘Par-Boiled Nog’ Does have a rather pungent aroma.

And now… with that rather grody description, I realize I’ve hit the writing limit for tonight.

Tune in for the next installment tomorrow of our Travelog of The Country of Bigness™ and his Wild and Whacky Adventures!

Thanks for coming by!
So More Later
Big Country